No Conceivable Title
by randomperson321
Summary: What would happen if the infamously slow-paced Nagaru Tanigawa decided to rush into a romantic epic with laughs at every cicada? This is it. Read and review please! This is still my first work!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **This would be my first fanfic, so please give me Boston Cream Pie. All I'm looking for are reviews, so please read and review! Thank you, kind people!

I'm sorry about the title. And anything else that is lame.

Just to say, this first chapter would be nothing more than a basic intro. No, I have not yet delved into the main point in the story. Just providing a little background. This currently pulls from a combination of the light novels and anime. Please don't assume I'm just a n00b that likes to copy stuff. And also please read before looking at my profile. That is all.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Suzumiya Haruhi franchise, light novels, anime, manga, etc. because if I did who knows what would happen to the world...

* * *

**Chapter 1**

The roar of thunder resonated throughout my body while the freezing rain poured down upon me.

Why the heck am I here? What kind of idiot goes out for a walk in the middle of a freaking typhoon?!

A pale white hand was gripping onto my arm and was dragging me along through the dirt, although it seemed the owner of that hand was having quite some difficulty walking.

Oh… That's right. It's only been a couple of hours since I had seen the owner of the mansion we were staying in, Tamaru Keiichi-san, lying on the floor, with a knife protruding from his chest.

I was still being dragged along by my arm, and it definitely felt like it was going to be torn from its socket. This seems to happen a lot. Maybe one day my arm will become detachable and I can join a traveling circus. However, my future career was not running through my head at the time and I decided to actually walk to save my companion the trouble of dragging me. Fighting our way through the downpour and the incredibly strong gusts of wind, we finally reached a spot where we could see the pier, where the boat was supposed to be moored.

It was nowhere in sight.

"Kyon, look! The boat's gone!"

Stating the exceedingly obvious would be the exceedingly impulsive and demanding "Ultra Detective" (formerly Brigade Chief).

"Yeah… Does this mean Yutaka-san is the killer?"

I decided to answer her in this way to give myself some time to think.

Gray sky. Black sea. Reminds me of being in closed space with Haruhi… God, I need to focus!

A sharp tug on my arm ended my period of reminiscence for better or for worse.

"Someone's over there, beyond those rocks! Kyon, did someone else come outside…or is it… the real killer!?"

Haruhi yelled this as she pulled me with her characteristic brutish strength.

Hey, hey, hey! Isn't this a bit dangerous?

"Never mind that, Kyon! We've got to hurry and catch the killer!"

First, are you sure you weren't seeing things? Second, how would you even know that thing you saw (if it was a person) is the killer? Lastly, and by far most importantly, why the hell are we shimmying across this one-foot-wide trail on the side of this cliff?! Seeing as actually saying the above aloud might have drastic consequences, I kept it in my head. We scooted along at a slow, safe speed, still holding hands. I suppose from some third-party observer's point of views, such as those from an anime, it would look as if me and Haruhi were a couple trying to escape the evil baron of this island or something of the like. 

Just to make sure, none of that is true. Keiichi- san is not an evil baron, I don't think we are escaping from anything, and Haruhi and I are definitely not a couple. No regrets in saying that. Please don't read too much into my fervent denial. Me holding hands with Haruhi is just a convenient way to help ensure my survival in case something dangerous happens. That's when I decided to voice my opinion and say the third thing I just listed.

"This is the only way, idiot! I'm sure it went this way!"

I'm just not exactly sure if this is safe or not.

"Come on! We can't slow down here!"

Haruhi took a bigger than usual stride and the rock crumbled away from her feet as she fell over the ledge. Oh crap.

* * *

"Haruhi!"

I yelled over her very un-Haruhi-like scream. Due to some amazing unknown skill I possess, in the short amount of time we fell I performed some kind of roll and managed to shield Haruhi with my body and in my arms. If we were standing, this would resemble would of those unexpected from-behind hugs that shoujo mangas seem to love to depict. But I digress.

The really important thing is that I hit the ground with a sickening thud – at least, it sickened me. I assumed we had fallen on some lower ledge, since I was not impaled on some sharp pointy rocks right about now. That fall knocked the wind right out of me and I just lay there, eyes closed, not moving a muscle. I really feel like going to sleep now. I mean, I even have this nice blanket draped over my chest… Oh god. Haruhi is on top of me. Normally, I'd be blushing roses, but since we're about as screwed as a one-legged raccoon on a forty-lane interstate freeway, I took a good look at her and shot mental images of the girl who was currently classed in the "very cute" category… my mind goes astray sometime.

Sigh. I guess I better check her vital signs…

"Uuu…"

A moan of some kind escaped her lips and I nearly lost it right there. However, I have something called self-control, unlike some people (Haruhi) and kept my raging emotions in check. Her eyes flickered open as she slowly pushed herself off of me, using my body for leverage. Oh, how kind of you, Haruhi. I squeezed my eyes shut as quickly as possible.

"…Huh..?..Kyon!? Kyon!"

It seemed she hadn't even realized she had fallen on top of me. Man I wish I could've seen her face, but I was too busy pretending to be asleep for no real reason. Once again, don't look too much into it.

She started shaking my body and I decided that was when I should probably get up. I pushed my body up slowly, not on purpose, but because I was really aching. Hitting the ground felt like being slammed by a cement truck. Now it felt like the cement truck's drivers were trying to piece my body back together. I made some sounds of exertion, not only for dramatic effect, but because this was really draining my strength and willpower.

"Kyon… Are you alright? Are you alive?"

To answer her questions; I don't exactly feel what you would call 'alright' nor am I exactly sure I am alive. I decided to give some answer that would probably make a probable amount of sense.

"Yeah…Probably."

She breathed. A hint of relief tinged her voice and a small smile played at her lips. Seeing a smiling Haruhi upon awakening generally means you are about to enter one of the most painful experiences of your lifetime, such as joining an incredibly stupid club with an equally stupid name, but I suppose today really is special—it gives me a nice cheery feeling this time.

"Looks like we're really in trouble this time. I don't think we can go back the way we came either."

Haruhi whispered to me, or at least, it sounded like a whisper to me. Either our faces were really close, or she was screaming and it was really loud. I'm assuming it was the second situation. Anyways, I took a good look at my surroundings. Looking up, I could assume we fell roughly 30 feet. I am a very lucky man, or maybe, Lady Luck here just temporarily gave me some. We were now on a flat ledge with paths leading off into the mist. Man, we are in trouble.

"Hey, look over there!"

Haruhi pointed towards what looked to be a cave in the side of the cliff. It was conveniently close to us. How I wish I could have everything I wished for magically appear!

* * *

Fortunately for us, the inside of the cave was quite warm. Was it heat from the Earth? Or was it from an underground spring? I'll assume it was a spring and no other third reason. Moving on already. There was a large rock in this cave. Seeing its pointed shape and the fact that it seemed to be growing out of the ground I would assume it to be a stalactite. Or stalagmite. I really don't care, actually.

Since we're soaked, I guess it would be a good idea to wring out our clothes and wait until some help arrives.

"I guess…"

Haruhi replied softly. The din of the rain was barely audible for some reason. For now, it was just me and her. I was looking forward to seeing her change like those days when we first met, but now, chances were that--

"Kyon!"

Haruhi's sharp voice poked a hole in my perverted thought bubble.

What is it? I was just having an awesome time fantasizing!

"Get that stupid grin off your face and don't look!"

Ah well, so much for allowing my eyes to go on vacation.

Hey, wait! Why don't we just go on opposite sides of this huge rock!

"…."

Haruhi took a quick look at where I was pointing and jumped behind the rock with a look of suspicious resentment in her eyes.

Sigh… I sat down and leaned against the rock. Checking myself now, I'm soaked to the bone. What's this sticky feeling in my pants…? Aw man… wet boxers, too… Sighing once more, I stripped off my shirt. Note that this is, in my opinion, quite an impressive feat, since my shirt is quite tight and currently sticking to my body. I could hear the sounds of Haruhi's soft breathing and her shirt slipping off her body… I had the typical male reaction—man, was I getting turned on. If my life were an anime, I suppose some silly cliché-loving artist would have drawn two streams of red running down from my nose.

I began to imagine Asahina-san changing here as well. As a matter of fact, I had seen her in the changing process a few times already and I'm pretty sure I wouldn't mind to see it again. Speaking of which, I'm beginning to miss my secret collection of pictures of Asahina-san on the SOS-Dan's computer…

"I wonder what that shadow I saw was…"

Haruhi's words once again brought me back to reality and drove away those persisting thoughts of scantily-clad women. I began to wipe myself down with my shirt which I had just wrung out.

"Are you sure you weren't just seeing things?"

"That's impossible… I think…"

Haruhi sounded so wistful saying those words. I resisted the urge to go around the corner and comfort her somehow. I'm pretty sure that would be inappropriate in many ways, including the fact that she is changing and that Haruhi is Haruhi. I said nothing and just enjoyed the sound of rustling clothes, 

dripping water, and tender breathing (if that makes sense at all). The air just had this heavy feeling to it, as if the next person who spoke would inhale some form of noxious gas.

"I've got it!"

Well, it looks like Haruhi's getting a mouthful of poison.

"I know… I know the truth behind this murder!"

Haruhi poked her head around the corner, shocking me somewhat. Thankfully, I had decided only to wring out my pants and not take them off. There would be time for that later, I had thought. She already looked dry and her eyes were shining with the spirit of discovery.

Ah… Just like Haruhi. I looked off in the opposite direction and sighed, not saying anything again. I really don't want to listen to some half-baked, insane ranting from a girl who believes aliens, time travelers, and espers actually exist (okay, so they do exist. Whatever, you get the point).

"Kyon, are you even listening?"

I turned back around and saw Haruhi's pouting face. She had those duck lips on again. I sighed. I think I'm breaking a world record for the amount of sighs in a time span less than thirty minutes. If anyone actually cares, go check the Guinness records for me.

"Alright, let's hear it."

Haruhi began her seemingly prepared-for-hours speech. This girl is definitely amazing.

"For what reasons, I don't know, but Yutaka-san definitely stabbed Keiichi-san."

You're right about that, but thanks for speaking to me like you would to a vegetable. Go on already.

"I doubt it was premeditated murder. It probably went something like—they got into a fight and Yutaka-san picked up a nearby fruit knife and ended up using it."

Yeah, I could kind of see that too….

"But, the knife didn't penetrate the notebook that Keiichi-san had held up in self defense."

Wait. I thought he was stabbed to death…?

"This is the complicated part. Keiichi-san fainted from shock, leading Yutaka-san to believe he was dead and to run off. Keiichi-san finally regained consciousness in the morning, and remembering his brother had tried to kill him, in his dazed state, locked the door. That's when tragedy struck. Keiichi-san tripped over himself and fell on his face. The result was that the knife was driven into his heart and he met his demise. This is the truth."

Oh?…Wait up. How could things happen so perfectly?

"Kyon, you can't change what happened. It's not like you have any other explanation."

I don't, but I have to tell you… according to your deduction, Keiichi-san should have been laying face-down… but we found him lying face-up.

The shock in her face was similar to the reaction you would get if a two year old made a speech about Einstein's theory of relativity. She stopped for a moment, but immediately opened her mouth again.

"Ah! What if-"

What is it? I really don't get it if you just stop in the middle of nowhere.

"Um… Sorry, I guess I was wrong… It's nothing…"

She whispered, getting quieter with each word.

Huh?!

This would be the second time today I've seen Haruhi really out-of-character. If I hadn't heard the word "sorry," I would have dismissed her words for some random background noise. Note: I am not the male lead of a shoujo manga or Korean drama. I've never been good at dealing with women. This is a prime example of my lack of skill in this area.

For some reason, I was compelled to look up and closely examine her. She seemed to be shivering, but just a bit. It must be from the cold. Her face, turned away from me, betrayed feelings that I suppose she would hide. Nervousness, uncertainty, insecurity… Her eyes… Was it fear that I saw in her eyes?

"Uh… Haruhi? Sorry, I didn't really hear you that time, could you say it again?"

Now why the hell did I say that? Of course I heard her! That's how I figured out the above! If I were a third-person spectator I'd have pulled a gun on myself.

"Ah? You didn't hear me…? Well… I just said that I was wrong and it's nothing, just forget it…"

Her voice was barely audible, but I somehow caught every word over the ever-dripping water in here.

She's making me suspicious. I wonder what's going on in her head right now… It can't be anything evil or bad right? But why does she have that overly melancholic face on? It's been, maybe, ten minutes since I last saw her smile and I'm already missing it… Waitwait, what? Ah, forget it.

"Haruhi…"

Why am I calling out to her this time?

"Is there something that's bothering you?"

Of course she's bothered, just look at her. I'm an idiot and I can already tell something's going on in her head. Wait a moment; I just called myself an idiot, didn't I?

"…because if there is… I think we know each other well enough for you to tell me what's on your mind… I mean, I don't mind listening to your troubles once in a while. After all, I am an official SOS-Dan member, right?"

That was by far the most retarded thing I have said in my life! It's more retarded than the time I tried to tell Haruhi that Nagato is an alien, Asahina-san is a time traveler, and Koizumi is an esper! Arghh! Stupid uncontrollable mouth! If I had already pulled the gun on myself as a third-person spectator, this would be the time where I start firing fully automatic until I hear the click of an empty chamber!

I turned my face away, just as Haruhi turned her face towards me. I think I saw a hint of red on her pale cheeks, but I can't be sure. I always imagine things. But, in my case, I could feel my face warming up as blood started pumping through. Thanks a lot, useless body of mine. You too, puberty. I guess turning away isn't really going to work all that well. It's not like I can shove my words back into my mouth either. I just hope she doesn't do something insane that makes me regret those words even more…

Haruhi's reply definitely underscored exactly what kind of day this truly was.

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**A/N: **This goes on, I just had to cut it here, sorry. The main reason is that I need some feedback before I go much further. So, thank you all beforehand.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **This is more written-by-randomperson321 than Chpt 1, but unfortunately (?) for me, we're moving along at a steady pace. Anyways, expect Chpt. 3 to be new content. Starting from the end of this chapter, you can disregard the light novels and anime, for the most part. FOR THE MOST PART. Looking for reviews again. Whee. Enjoyz.

* * *

**Chapter 2**

"Kyon…"

She said my name in a sort of surprised tone. Yes, today is a surprising (-ly strange) day.

Yes, I do say weird things once in a while. Sorry for spouting nonsense.

"Kyon, it's not that there's… anything bothering me… it's just…"

She's talking in circles again. When Haruhi acts like this, it sets off every single alarm in my body and I instantly move into red alert mode.

"Haruhi."

She jumped a bit when I said her name. I turned to face her. She was fidgeting; playing with her clothes and her hair. She had turned away from me once again. What's with her? And what was I going to say?

"You turned around and you're acting all weird. I can tell something's up; you just have to tell me what it is."

It was weird saying that, but hey, I've got to say something right now, right? You know, sometimes I think what I say is pretty darn cool.

"I said it's nothing! God, Kyon, you're so annoying!"

Just when I think I said something cool she goes back to being her usual self. Sigh… I thought a different kind of atmosphere was building up between us, but it looks like she's back to herself again.

"Let's just forget about this whole thing and let the police handle it when they get here. I guess I'm just not fit for detective work."

Wait up. This is coming from the insanely impulsive I-will-never-give-up Haruhi? Is this for real? How can you say that when all you wanted to do when you came here was solve mysteries as a detective?

This is really unlike you, Haruhi. I know what you're like and I know when you're hiding something (I just don't usually seem to care).

I quickly stood up, grabbed her by her shoulders, and spun her around towards me. A wave of nostalgia swept through my body and I shuddered, but I kept my grip and looked straight at her. She was avoiding eye contact again.

"Just tell me what it is, Haruhi!"

I was yelling.

"It makes me feel really… bad to see you like this! Um… It's the responsibility of a member of the SOS-Dan to worry about his chief, right?"

What was I so worked up about, anyways? Do I really have a right to go seize Haruhi and make her tell me everything I want her to tell me? And if I really hate the way she acts, aren't I acting quite a bit like her right now? Why do I even bother…? I can't even explain my own actions right now. All I can say is that I am feeling quite flustered right now and if you held up a mirror in front of my face, I believe I would look as if I just ran a marathon wearing my winter school uniform.

She looked up at me reluctantly. I could see the apprehension in her eyes clearly now. But what is there to fear?

"You know, Haruhi… I'm here with you, so there really isn't anything to be afraid of…"

That line was so cheesy I suppose several cows died in the process of the production of that line. Man, do I feel stupid. It's not as if a girl actually cares for that kind of lame line. I mean, it's Haruhi! I was probably just imagining that fear, right? Fear probably doesn't exist in her genes!

"Actually, Kyon… It's kind of complicated… it has nothing to do with the murder! ... but it has to do with you…"

Oh crap. What did I do wrong? It's probably something I said. Wait, wouldn't she normally bash my head against a very solid surface if that happened? Her voice is back to a whisper, too. What an unpredictable girl. Ah well, at least she'll tell me everything now. Not that I really care or anything. I'm just doing this for the sake of the world.

"Kyon, I… I …"

This isn't the time to be stumbling over words! Just get on with it! I can deal with whatever evil thing you're about to say about me.

"…This is kind of embarrassing, but…"

What? Embarrassing…? Watching her say this, it seemed like she was getting a bit unsettled. She was getting redder by the moment and was looking down at her feet, kicking random pebbles around.

"Kyon… I-I…want you…t-to know…"

What is it that you want me to know!?

"Hey! Are you guys okay?"

* * *

That was a close one... I don't think I want Koizumi to see what I was doing there. He would totally misunderstand even though he's a "super powerful" esper. I would hate to think what Taniguchi or Kunikida would've said if they saw me like that. It'll probably be that "Kyon likes weird girls" line again or something like "Why didn't you tell us Suzumiya was your girlfriend?" God, just thinking about those two idiots makes me want to smash something!

My time in the shower was long. I wouldn't be lying if I said I was cleansing the dirt and salt off my body, but it wouldn't be telling the whole truth, either. What Haruhi said (or rather, didn't say) is really bugging me right now and I can't seem to get it off my mind! I mean, it seemed like something important! Way to go, Koizumi. You came in at a perfect time and ruined the moment. And by moment I mean nothing more than Haruhi spilling the beans.

Sigh… I did say some pretty lame junk back there, didn't I? Feelings of self-pity were filling my mind as I changed into a random set of pajamas I picked up from somewhere. Yawning, I walked aimlessly out the bathroom door straight into Haruhi.

"Ow! Stupid Kyon, watch where you're going!"

I'm the one that should be complaining! Geez, is your head made of steel? Besides, what kind of girl stands right outside a bathroom some guy is in, anyways? You weren't waiting for something, were you?

"Um…"

She looked away, seeming pretty pissed, and was still rubbing her head, even though it looked absolutely fine. Why am I the only one getting injured today?

Oh yeah! What were you going to say to me back in the cave, again? You know, right before Koizumi came… You said you wanted me to know something, right?

"Huh? Uh… W-Well…"

She jumped and started looking around at the floor tiles. Here we go again.

You said you wanted me to know something, right?

"No, I didn't mean to say that! It's nothing; just forget it. Here, as punishment for being such a nuisance, carry my clothes back to my room for me."

Haruhi was back to her usual bossy self. Sigh… It's not like I can just choose not to do what she says right now. She'll probably beat me until I'm ready to be mixed in with cake batter.

Well, better do what she says. Let's see… why does she have so many bags of clothes?!

"Clothes get dirty, you know, so I just had everyone's clothes washed! That's everyone except you, by the way."

Well, thanks a lot. I feel much better now, knowing exactly how much my chief cares about me.

"That's right, be forever grateful to your chief for looking out for you! Now hurry up and carry my stuff!"

When we were stuck out in the rain alone, it seemed like she actually did care about my well-being, sometimes. But now… Sigh, I guess it's just like her to change all of a sudden. I picked up about three bags in each hand and shuffled up a flight of stairs and down another hallway with that heavy load to Haruhi's room. Haruhi's room, huh… Asahina-san should be in there right now… In pajamas… or maybe less than that…

"Hey Kyon, don't just stand there like an idiot! Help me get this stuff inside!"

I quickly wiped whatever stupid expression I had off my face and started to pick the bags up once more before I realized something.

"Asahina-san is in there, right? Shouldn't we knock just to make sure she isn't changing or anything?"

Haruhi turned back to me with a look of disgust that said "I can totally tell what you're thinking, you pervert." Are my perverted thoughts that easily seen?

"Yeah, on second thought, I can do this myself. You'd better not come in here!"

She screamed at me before grabbing all her bags and kicking open the door.

If you're strong enough to carry all your bags in one hand, why make me do it in the first place?

"It seems Suzumiya-san enjoys making you work."

I spun around to face the too-handsome owner of this voice, Koizumi Itsuki. Just in time, too; I had something important to say to him.

Get your face away from me! How the heck did you get so close to me?

He increased the distance between our faces from three inches to a more bearable three feet, with a smile. Koizumi's smile is very disturbing at times, especially when it is three inches away from your lips. Koizumi just flashed another smile.

"So, what important thing were you going to ask me about? Unless it was about how I got so close to you just now, because I can explain that pretty well."

Tch. Stop being such an arrogant prick. We just need a place to talk.

Another smile.

* * *

"So… Suzumiya-san won't tell you what's on her mind, huh? Would you like me to tell you what it was that she couldn't tell you?"

That's kind of what I was hoping for, but yes, I'd like to hear it.

"It actually is all about the murder."

But Haruhi said it wasn't! She told me it had something to do with me!

Koizumi's grin grew even wider and his face grew even closer. He put a finger to his lip as if telling me to be quiet. That's disgusting, you know! Looking at him and the place where he chose to talk… well, it was pretty disturbing. Let's see… I'm in Koizumi's room with all but one of the smaller lights off. We're facing each other, sitting on beds opposing each other. The room seems to be perfumed and is decorated with roses… Okay, this is really too creepy. Normally, I would never have come in here, but this is important.

"Suzumiya-san was mostly correct, up until the part where Keiichi-san got up. He was awakened by our voices when we were knocking on his door in the morning."

Hurry it up so I can get the hell away from you.

"He was confused and when he remembered that Yutaka-san had tried to kill him last night, he locked the door and stood there in his dazed state."

Yes, I'm pretty sure I've heard that before.

"When we found the door locked, you, me, and Arakawa-san broke down the door."

So? That's when we found him on the ground. Hurry up and explain—

It hit me harder than a bull slamming into a man dressed in a red jumpsuit.

"Yep, that's right. The murderers in this case would be the ones who broke down the door. Suzumiya-san figured this out, and that's why she didn't want to say anything—to protect us."

So… we broke down the door and, by doing so, we drove the knife fully into Keiichi-san's chest… Wait, this doesn't make sense.

This doesn't make sense!

I jump up, wrench open the door, and run down the hallway, thankfully missing another of Koizumi's stupid smiles and leaving that wretched room.

* * *

"Haruhi!"

I yelled at the back of a figure slowly wandering around in the hallway. She turned her head around, as if she didn't notice any of my previous calls or my loud running footsteps.

"Kyon? What is it?"

She seemed kind of dazed, but I just got on with it.

"I know what it is you were trying to tell me!"

"EHH?! H-How did you know?"

She looked truly shocked and her face flushed bright red. Is it really that surprising for me to figure something out? I'm not that much of an idiot, you know…

"It doesn't matter how I figured it out!"

I gripped her firmly by the shoulders again. Her eyes were shimmering for some reason and her hands were clasped together at her chest. She looks almost as defenseless as Asahina-san… You can't catch me this time, perverted thoughts!

"B-But…Kyon… I think..."

"I just have to tell you, it's not the truth! I understand everything now, just listen!"

"EH? Not the truth? What the heck are you talking about, Kyon! Of course it's the truth! That's exactly how I fe-"

"I know that you think I'm the murderer!"

Haruhi was taken aback. Why the heck are you acting like that?

"Oh… That's what you were talking about…"

"Yes, except it wasn't me that killed Keiichi-san!"

And of course that's what I was talking about! Wasn't that what we were talking about the whole time!?

Haruhi seemed to make a complete revival in a matter of seconds. It was as if she had just used 'Phoenix Down' on her previously lifeless self.

"Yes, yes, of course that's what we were talking about! Now hurry up and explain everything, Kyon! You've got exactly four seconds to finish before heads start to roll!"

What's with you and decapitating people? Sigh… forget it. I began to explain as quickly as possible.

"Ah! I get it! Suzumiya Haruhi, the Ultra Detective, has just solved this case!"

What the hell?! Wasn't I the one that figured it out and graciously told you my clever deductions?

Haruhi just grabbed my hand and dragged me around the corridor.

Sigh…

* * *

We eventually reached Koizumi's room. Haruhi knocked loudly.

"Koizumi-kun, as the SOS-Dan Commander, I demand you to open this door!"

I thought the force she used would surely break down the door, but the door slowly slid open, and an annoyingly cheery face greeted my eyes. Huh… It seems the room's lights were all on and all the things I had seen previously were gone. Except that strong smell.

Haruhi stormed into the room, pulling me along. Koizumi merely shut his door with an expression on his face that one would probably find on a man who just stole the world's most valuable painting, only to have it stolen from him.

"Koizumi-kun! Your position as vice-brigade-commander is at stake here! This murder scene was a setup from the beginning wasn't it!?"

She said this with a triumphant smile. I could imagine hers on the face of the man who first climbed Mt. Everest. Needless to say, I think it looks a lot better than Koizumi's.

"Looks like we lost…"

Koizumi said with a melodramatic sigh and a quick shrug of his shoulders.

* * *

**A/N: **roflolmao. Finally, moving right along. Sorry to disappoint anyone who's still waiting for more original stuff, but I've got to get out of here first. Funny, the original story was going to be based around the cave and the island. Chapter 2 endured some massive rewrites. I'm also sorry for ignoring two main characters. I wonder if I'll be doing that a lot... Anyways, look to Chapter 3, it'll come out soon regardless of anything. 20 July Night or 21 July Night is the release deadline! And then, we shall move into Japanese Marketing Delay Tactics.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Okay, so I got some more reviews and I took them into consideration, resulting in some more changes to this chapter as well. I've really got to take a moment to thank XxMisaki EndouxX, Diamond Avatar, Kiba Varulfur, and any comment that in some way criticizes my writing.**

** Special props to my unofficial beta reader guy who wishes to remain anonymous (has been here for 2 years and is still working on something and is therefore not ready to show his/her face in public again. Possibly due to the fact that he/she promised a story and never wrote it or the fact that he/she is in the process of writing SHnY fanfics.).**

**Anyways, ****thanks for all your help, reviewers. I may only have a few views, but all comments are welcome. Including flaming. Criticism is key. Now read away.**

**I think however, it's time for another Disclaimer: I do not own the Suzumiya Haruhi franchise. That said, please pretend I do to add believability to the story. :)**

* * *

**Chapter 3**

We got back from our summer co-ed trip in high spirits. At least, Haruhi did.

"The trip was fun, right? Koizumi-kun put on a pretty good act, but my super ultra deduction ultimately solved the case and saved the day!"

Sigh… She's been like that the whole way back. Laughing, screwing around, and kissing her own ass with comments about her 'super ultra deduction' which, by the way, is 90 mine.

The bus dropped us off back at the usual SOS-Dan meeting place. I decided to take my leave surreptitiously, so I grabbed my sister, covered her mouth, and began to walk away into a crowd.

"Hey! Kyon! Where do you think you're going?"

Damn. She got me.

"Don't act as if you're going to leave without attending the meeting here!"

What meeting? I never heard of any meeting!

"It doesn't matter! We're having one right now!"

She proceeded to grab my collar and dragged me back to the rest of the brigade.

Sigh… Looks like I'll be staying here a little longer.

"Well, now that we're all here…"

Haruhi took this time to shoot an evil glance at me. I just yawned back.

"Does anyone have plans for the rest of break? Because if you do, cancel them all! We're going to have a busy rest-of-summer!"

Oh no. Not some crazy plan to spread excitement around the world again… I bet it's going to be filled with city searches, hunts for UMAs, and other pointless and time-consuming activities. Argh! That's right; I still have all my summer assignments to complete!

"I am absolutely free for the next four weeks, so I will be able to do whatever Suzumiya-san wishes."

The ever-smiling Koizumi said with a shrug. Why do you always give in to her demands? Can't you at least do something that'll benefit me for once?

Haruhi turned to the SOS-Dan's faithful mascot character—the maid who radiates with the beauty of a million lilies, Asahina-san!

"Alright, how about you, Mikuru-chan? There aren't any guys who asking you on dates right now, are there? If there are, make sure you tell me about them so I can stop them from troubling you!"

Who are you to tell Asahina-san what she should do with people who ask her out? Well, she's not the only person that would think that way though… If there was someone asking her Asahina-san out, I would be very tempted to corner that guy in a dark alley and beat him up. In fact, more than half of the guys in the school would be just about ready to kill that guy, in my opinion.

"Uu… No, I've got nothing. D-date? Ah…Okay…"

Asahina-san could do nothing but obey Haruhi's unreasonable demands and clear her schedule.

Haruhi moved on to the SOS-Dan's indispensable silent character, Nagato Yuki, who replied without being asked.

"No plans."

Haruhi's face lit up like a firecracker laden with several times its weight in extra explosives being shot up into the night sky.

"Okay! It's decided! The SOS-Dan-Activities-Until-Summer-Ends begins tomorrow! Meet here in the park at 8 in the morning! The last person will be fined heavily as always!"

Once again, you didn't ask me about my plans. Sigh… It's not like I really am, but you could at least act like you care about what I'm doing.

"Alright, Kyon, then what plans do you have?"

Uh… well, nothing much, except some homework…

"Then that's great! Since Kyon has absolutely nothing to do, tomorrow at 8! Dismissed for today!"

Haruhi began walking off humming something that sounded curiously like the Indiana Jones theme song. How the heck do you have time for these activities anyways?

Haruhi stopped in her tracks. Did I hit a nerve with my comment or something? Come on, say something, this is kind of scary…

"Oh yeah… there's that…"

What is it? And could you please turn around and show your face?

"Eh… My family's going on a trip to Europe… I totally forgot about it. I won't be back until August 30th."

Yes! Things finally seem to be going my way!

"That's too bad, Suzumiya-san. What should we be doing while you are away?"

Koizumi decided to voice his thoughts. I could care less. I'm just going to kick back and relax and when I find the time, do my homework.

"It doesn't matter. We'll start the activities once I get back from my trip! Just don't call any activities or do anything stupid just because I'm not around."

Contrary to popular belief, I always thought we did stupid stuff because you were around…

Haruhi finally turned around. Before, she was like the sun on a summer day in the Sahara Desert, but now… It looked as if a solar eclipse had occurred, accompanied by a couple of thunderstorms.

"Especially you, Kyon! Don't go fool around with Mikuru-chan like you did during our first city-search!"

You really don't have to single me out. And it's not like I have an excuse to be with her now. Geez, what are you so worried about anyways?

Haruhi turned back with a huff and stormed off towards her house. She looked pretty pissed and depressed at the same time. Generally, when Haruhi is in a bad mood, bad things happen. I checked with the resident Haruhi expert just to be safe.

"I don't sense too much disturbance in Suzumiya-san's mind as of right now. However, if a situation arises, you will be the first I will inform."

Thanks. I have absolute confidence in you. I turn to Nagato. She stares at me with her unblinking eyes.

"There are no traces of data abnormalities originating from Suzumiya Haruhi at present time."

And what about the three abnormalities that are you, Koizumi, and Asahina-san?

Sighing, I picked up my sister by the back of her shirt and waved goodbye to Asahina-san, who was playing with my sister while I was talking with Koizumi and Nagato.

Well… At least now I can look forward to a nice, relaxing, Haruhi-free summer break.

A couple of hours later, when I was lying on my bed reading some random book, I got a phone call from the one person I really did not want to hear from.

* * *

"Suzumiya-san is currently leaving Japan."

That's good to know, but I thought you were only going to call if there's trouble.

I could hear a giggle on the other side of the line. Man, that's gross.

"There is trouble. I could feel a disturbance in Suzumiya-san's mind that was unlike any other I've felt before, so I decided to ask Nagato-san for help."

So what is it this time? A closed space the size of Jupiter?

"Actually, there's no closed space at all. This time, she's directly affecting this world."

And in what way would that be?

"In layman's terms, one could say that time is speeding up."

What? Just what exactly do you mean by time speeding up?

"Well, at this moment, each second we currently perceive is the equivalent of 4,320 seconds in 'normal time.' For example, we may feel that only 20 seconds passed in the time it took for me to say this sentence, but in reality, it is actually an entire day."

I couldn't say a word. I was literally stunned into silence. A whole day, gone in the space of 20 seconds…

Just how long is this going to last? If this goes on for something as small as 1,000, we'll be fifty days older! Just, what the hell is Haruhi doing this for? Always a troublemaker, that girl.

Stop giggling like an idiot; it's disturbing. How can you laugh about something like this, anyways?

"Well, I may have an explanation for why things are happening the way they are…"

Then let's hear it, genius.

"You saw Suzumiya-san realized she had a family trip to go to. She was looking forward to spending the summer here with the Brigade, but now could not. One can assume that she went home, argued with her parents about the trip, lost that argument, and ended up having to leave. Suzumiya-san does not want us doing anything without her being around for fear that she'll miss out on having fun with us. Therefore, since she wants to be back as soon as possible, she wished that time would, literally, fly so she could get back here as fast as possible. However, we as members of the Brigade, are the only people who can actually notice that time is speeding up. Basically, everyone else is oblivious to the fact that each day lasts only 20 seconds. Although this does create a sort of uncomfortable situation for everyone else in the world, I, for one, am thankful she is not creating closed spaces out of her anger."

Normally, I'd just go to sleep while pretending to pay attention to Koizumi's speeches, but when a day lasts 20 seconds, you can sleep off several years easily.

Isn't there something you can do about this, Koizumi? Can't your agency or the Integrated Data whatever correct this situation?

"Unfortunately, my agency has never encountered this time of situation before and can do absolutely nothing about it. Also, Nagato-san is supposed to be a third-party observer and being such, is not supposed to be directly involved with any situation we find ourselves in."

Sigh. Well, looks like all I can do is wait it out then…

"Oh? Actually, Kyon, from the looks of it, the speed of time has returned to normal. Hm… I'd best catch some sleep."

Koizumi hung up on me with a queer little laugh. Sleep, huh? Oh crap! What day is today?

I roll out of my bed and, forgetting that I was in it, fall directly onto the floor. I see stars, but that can't stop me. I noisily jump up and check the nearest calendar.

August 30th. My God…

"Kyonnn... Mom says to go to sleep already…"

My sister stumbles through the doorway looking very drowsy. I turn my head around and quickly check my alarm clock. Three in the morning, huh? Not exactly a good time to be making a lot of noise…

I fall back into my bed and my sister shuts the door. Sigh…

It wasn't hard to fall asleep, even though there were so many things to think about. It felt as if I had been awake for weeks…

* * *

I was awakened the next morning, per usual operating standard of my sister, by the mysterious disappearance of my blanket, yells of "Mom says to get up!," the feeling of someone jumping up and down on my bed, and being dragged onto the icy floor from my already blanket-less bed. I started to drag my tired-as-always body down to the bathroom when my sister shouted at me again.

"Kyon, you've got a phone call from Haru-nyan! She seems angry for some reason! You'd better be nice and talk to her!"

Truth be told, I am not a morning person. Talking to Haruhi in the morning is really not the way I want to start off my day. To try and have a good start to your day by talking to Haruhi is like trying to sweeten your tea with hot sauce. Nevertheless, at the insistence of my sister and because it was Haruhi, I took the phone that my sister held up to me. I slowly brought it to my ears and took a deep breath before talking.

"Hello?"

"Kyon! What the hell is your problem!?"

Oh boy… This is going to be bad…

"I called you five hundred times last night and every single time you were busy! Who were you calling, huh? Was it Mikuru-chan? Who was it that was more important than your Brigade Commander!?"

I'm guessing I was talking to Koizumi when we were still stuck in the time warp.

"Anyways, Kyon, get your ass out of bed and over here! Everyone's already here and waiting for you. You're already 20 minutes late! If you don't get here within 10 seconds, I'm going to dismember your body and throw you, piece by piece, into a nearby river!"

With those kind closing remarks, Haruhi hung up.

Geez, she didn't even tell me where she is or what she's doing. Well, it's pretty obvious there's a meeting going on right now, and I wasn't told anything about it. I decided to rush through my usual morning routine, skip breakfast, and get to the meeting place as fast as possible. Although I knew it was impossible to get to the meeting place in 10 seconds, I pedaled harder and faster than I had ever in my life, knowing that each pedal got me closer to a tyrannical idiot, but just might also save me from losing my arms and legs. Sigh… I wonder what we're doing today.

* * *

**  
A/N: Sorry, it seems like my chapters are getting progressively shorter, but I am working pretty fast and pretty hard, kinda like kyon's biking at the current moment. Chp 4 is coming up soon and I think it is quite safe to say it should be longer than these chapters. You could consider it the outer layer of meat if this is the lettuce and the two chaps before were a thick hamburger bun.  
**

Did I post two updates in one day? OMG no life! :).

Well, here's something random I found in my files that I think you all deserve as repayment for a short chapter... The document name was "lol". Enjoy. I'm not exactly sure how this piece came into existence. Please, allow your imagination to run wild.

"Kyon, I love you… Take me right here, right now where nobody can see us."

The way she says things is incredible; it sounds like a command! Her eyes, staring straight at me, have a determined gleam in her eyes, far different from what her disposition was a few seconds ago. She was resting one leg on a ledge, as if it were a table at school, and I could easily see what she was wearing underneath… She was sucking me in. God… how am I supposed to handle this situation? I can't control myself at all…

"What the hell!?"

At least I could still string words together into a sentence. My mouth seriously felt as if it had melted away and my brain was getting that same feeling. Even though I was wearing my school PE uniform, I felt like I was getting steamed in a pot of dumplings. I totally want to rip my shirt off...

"What? You don't want me?"

She pouted, putting her hands on her hips. She was still totally giving me service by keeping her right leg on the rock. Yep, I was blushing like mad.

* * *

**This continues, but its so silly that it doesnt deserve posting even as an honorable mention. ****Anyways, look forward to Ch4! Hope to see you all again soon. **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: ** Haha, this one's way longer than usual. In fact, combine the previous three chapters and you probably get the length of this one! I hope everyone understands why there was such a long (4-5 days… get over it) wait. Working on improving my writing, but that's never easy. At least I know what to do now. Thanks, all. Oh and there's probably going to be a title change in store someday. The title exists right now only for the sake of their being a title, I think (but everyone's already got such cool titles. Argh!!). Now enjoy this extremely long chapter that seems very clichéd and characteristic of fan fiction of the Humor/Romance genres. Review or die :) BTW very sorry, I failed to release it on Thursday PST night, but rather Friday morning (lol its roughly 0100 hours in LA) XC race from 1630-2200. It was finished at 1200 hours, but was finally rechecked at around the start of Friday.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

I checked my watch while jumping off my bike—a pretty smooth move, if I may say so myself—and I saw that it was 12:30. Thirty minutes late, huh? I sighed and parked my bike into some random spot, stopping to notice just how hot it was today. After wiping away the numerous beads of sweat the blocked my vision, I could see heat waves in the distance and crowds of people all complaining about the heat. I was sprinting towards the square in which the Brigade meets for random activities in the cities when I suddenly sensed an evil presence. I got this sense that I might be losing some limbs. Well, at least it isn't going to be off with my head this time.

I kept charging forward at top speed and dodging random people who happened to be walking too slowly or were just in my way. With the occasional "excuse me" and "sorry" I managed to attract a lot of attention. I think they pitied the boy who had to run in heat like this. Then they would look to where I'm running off to and, if they could tell what kind of mood Haruhi was currently in, feel even sorrier for me. I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself as well.

"Kyon! I told you to get here in 10 seconds, didn't I? You're 29 minutes and 50 seconds late! Penalty!"

Come on! You didn't even inform me of this earlier (even though my phone was busy)! You should be grateful and amazed by the fact that I got here in ten minutes! Sigh… Well, if it was the normal penalty, I could take it. Pay for everyone at the nearby café, right? That shouldn't be too bad. Anyways, there's an unexpected advantage to coming here like this. The bonus of making such an entrance is that Asahina-san must have been impressed by my awesome running or biking skills. Yes, I'm feeling cool all over.

I popped open my wallet to check my dwindling wealth expecting a very desolate scene reminiscent of what the world was like after an asteroid crashed into a bunch of unsuspecting dinosaurs . If you can call me wealthy, you must live in a box. Oh wait, I've got three 1000-yen notes, four 500-yen notes, and seven 100-yen coins… Add this random jingling change in my pocket and... Let's see, I've got about 6500 Yen on me! Ha, that's easily enough to treat these idiots—as long as I don't have to treat anyone at any other time today.

We sat down around a table and everyone placed their orders, at my expense.

"I'd like coffee."

Koizumi said with a face that I'd prefer to never see again or at least have very far away from me. You don't have to look at me like that when you say that!

"Royal Milk Tea."

Yes, just like usual. Right, Nagato?

"U-Um… If you don't mind… I would like a strawberry smoothie.

Anything for Asahina-san, as long as I can enjoy her presence, voice, and touch… Ah! Even if you ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, I would still purchase it for you if it made you happy!

I wait for the last, and usually most expensive, order, but it never comes. I guess Haruhi's not in the mood for a drink right now. Well, whatever. At least I don't have to pay as much. A while later, the drinks arrived. The table was quiet in comparison to usual and the other tables in the café. Everyone at our table just sat there, content on drinking away my money. Everyone except Haruhi and me. For reasons unknown, Haruhi seems nervous. Maybe she should have some coffee to relax her nerves… Forget it, it's not my problem. As for me, I'm poor, so not drinking unless it's absolutely necessary to my survival is quite a good plan. At least I believe so.

Haruhi glanced over towards me, looking somewhat interested. What's there to be interested in? My drab clothes? My stupid face? The fact that I'm poor and I can't afford my own drinks? Shoot, she made me insult myself three times in a row.

She did, however, notice that I wasn't eating or drinking anything, despite just getting out of bed and racing over here. She seemed glad that I wasn't eating anything. Wait, glad? How is me not eating a cause for celebration?

"Whatever."

Haruhi turned around again. She had broken the silence, but no one bothered to say anything else.

Soon enough, everyone finished and I collected all the trash, trying to calculate exactly how much this cost, but alas, my bored mind failed me again. Returning from a nearby trash can, I saw Haruhi pull five toothpicks from her pocket. Did you prepare all those beforehand or something?

"Kyon, hurry up and take one!"

I sat down in front of the impatient girl and reached for a toothpick.

Marked again. I wonder who will be my partner this time... Will it be Asahina-san once more?

Well, no surprises there.

Haruhi picked one out next, looking relieved as she took a peek at her toothpick. Doesn't she normally just take the last one?

The toothpicks went around, with Asahina-san taking the last one. Damn, she has an unmarked one. I scanned the hands of the four other Brigade members... My eyes came to rest upon some unusually strong hands.

Oh no.

Koizumi chuckled while Asahina-san sat there looking confused. Nagato proceeded to put on a poker face blanker than the current Shamisen's mind.

"Well, things will be interesting today, won't they, Asahina-san, Nagato-san?"

You can only imagine who has the other marked toothpick. Suzumiya Haruhi.

"What do you mean by 'oh no,' Kyon?"

Haruhi looked kind of irritated and was speaking quite loudly. I chose to say something that would probably keep her calm.

Nothing, nothing. I just said it out of habit. You got the other marked toothpick, huh?

"Yeah, I guess..."

She said in a weird tone. I couldn't categorize that tone. The best explanation I have is that it sounded both kind of happy and remorseful at the same time.

She shoved the bill in my face, blocking my view of her. Dang, she remembered.

* * *

I exited the restaurant about 1500 Yen poorer. At least, it's less than usual. Haruhi quickly gave today's orders.

"Listen up! Today is a city search as you all should know!"

Nope, I had no idea. Well, okay, I guessed we were going to have one. And could you quiet down, people are staring. Ah, never mind... People are always staring when Haruhi's around.

"Koizumi-kun, you take Yuki and Mikuru-chan south, while me and Kyon will check the North."

"As you wish, Suzumiya-san."

The stupid esper ass-kisser voiced his pointless agreement and started walking away from me and Haruhi. Asahina-san waved farewell and I couldn't help but to raise my hand and wave back.

"Koizumi-kun, don't go wild with Mikuru or Yuki! They're a lot more capable than the look!"

Haruhi, you're the one that always goes wild... Especially with Asahina-san. I don't think you're in any position to tell even that esper moron to not go wild. Although, if he does dare to even touch Asahina-san, he can expect a fist shoved into his face at the end of the day. As for being capable... Yuki certainly is. The very mention of her capabilities brings back memories of a knife-wielding class representative and the image of Nagato, impaled by several steel rods. And sorry to break it to you, Haruhi, but Asahina-san is exactly as hopeless as she looks.

Koizumi gave a hollow laugh and gave some advice I'd heard before.

"Remember, this isn't a date!"

I know already, idiot, give me a break. Seriously, I only did that once with Asahina-san. And why, oh why in this world would I take Haruhi on a date, anyways. We're probably going to go search some crazy place, such as the local junkyard or down a well or in near a shrine or some other stupid and silly place that obviously has nothing what Haruhi deems "interesting." And by "we," I really mean myself. Haruhi will stand around as always, looking cool and bossing me around like a slave. I turn and look at Haruhi.

Some color tinged her cheeks as she yelled back at Koizumi.

"Of course it isn't a date! I'm the commander of this brigade and I know all the rules! You don't have to remind me of it, Koizumi-kun, just trust in my leadership abilities!"

Haruhi's leadership abilities are equal to those of a dog's. That being said, I probably have as much talent for leading as dog food. At least Haruhi has the ability to make random people become extraordinary and follow her around doing whatever she says.

I'm pretty sure he was talking to me. After all, you do remember when you first said that to me, right? You don't have to fervently deny that this isn't a date. I'm pretty sure that's already been established.

"O-of course I knew that! Stop being stupid, Kyon!"

She turned her head and crossed her arms. Now what?

We stand there doing absolutely nothing for a little while before Haruhi calls me.

"Kyon, let's go."

Okay, why not. I remain standing where I am.

"What are you doing, idiot? Are you waiting for me to drag you to our destination or something? Personally, I'm fine with it. I really don't have a problem doing that."

No, it's not that... Oh crap, was I really just waiting for you to do that? Crazy... Oh wait, don't actually do it! We're in public for God's sake! People will think we're weird or mistake us for a married couple or think we are a mistaken married couple that is weird. Man, its sick just thinking about that married couple stuff... But why does it keep popping up?

Haruhi grabbed my arm. Didn't I just say not to do that? Being gripped by her hand is like putting my arm in between too extremely powerful electromagnets that happen to be attracted to each other. Needless to say, it is quite painful and close to impossible to escape from her grasp. Sigh... do whatever you want. She seemed to be pulling me to a classy-looking restaurant nearby that I had been to before (possibly due to the restaurant's exterior, which screams out 'the food in here is very expensive!').

Are you seriously going to eat now? Why the hell didn't you eat earlier when we were all gathered together and I was paying?

Haruhi ignored me and pushed the door open. I heard and saw the typical reaction to seeing a girl drag around a guy by the hand.

"A table for two?"

A nearby waitress asked while stifling a giggle. She might not be laughing, but her face is all smiles. I noticed Haruhi looking at me. I wasn't checking out the waitress, I swear!

"Yes, that sounds nice."

Haruhi replied, sounding quite cordial.

"Would you like a 'couples' seat'? We save special seats for couples coming in."

Haruhi's face flushed and she started stammering out a nonsensical answer.

Please don't misunderstand! We're not a couple, just a pair of friends, or a master and her slave, and we're coming here because we're hungry! Just any old table will do.

We were eventually seated. Judging by the fact that we were in an isolated area of the restaurant and how everything around me just seemed to have a lovey-dovey connotation, it would seem we got one of those 'couples' seats.' Sigh... I guess things are better if we're isolated... But what's with the music? And the decoration? And heck, even the eating utensils? The air was just thick with romanticism and I found that kind of hard to deal with.

I change my focus to Haruhi, to see how she's dealing with this. She's acting extremely uncomfortable and restless. Come on, we're just in some kind of weird seat...

"Kyon, hurry up and order something. I don't care what it is, just do it."

Actually, I'm not that interested in food right now. My stomach gave a gurgle.

Haruhi laughed out loud, and then quickly covered her mouth. Thanks for being considerate of others this time.

"Kyon, you just woke up at noon and biked over here as fast as possible. I'm pretty sure you didn't eat and you should be pretty hungry. C'mon, let's just eat something! Here, I'll pay for you, order whatever you want."

Wow. I was stunned by this sudden show of kindness and generosity, but neither was important as the main thought in my mind. Free food. Well, I can't let a chance like this go to waste! Haruhi's finally treating me for once! Ah, life is good!

I ordered several dishes while Haruhi only ordered a drink and a small plate of salad. When they arrived, I stuffed my face full of everything I ordered. Haruhi normally eats extremely fast and eats a tremendous amount, but she just sat there, docile as could be, sipping on her tea and munching on lettuce leaves. Ah... This is when I can truly enjoy my life. Free food, a relaxing atmosphere, and something to stimulate my eyes...

I was pretty much finished when Haruhi suddenly leaned over the table and got very close to me. My heart skipped a beat because it was that scary or shocking, I think.

"Is it any good?"

Her face was close enough so that I could smell the gentle fragrance of the tea she was drinking. It's not a smell I'm familiar with though. Or maybe my mind's just turning into mush. Oh yeah, since when did you care if the food is any good?

"Yeah, it's absolutely delicious."

I replied with the whole truth. I was stuffing myself for a reason, you know.

"Thank goodness."

Haruhi said while breathing a sigh of relief. What the heck? What's there to be relived about? All I said was that the food was good. Ah well, I'll let you do whatever you want you dictatorial woman.

"If you're done, I'm gonna pay the bill."

Haruhi said. I nodded in response and she motioned over a waitress, who promptly fetched the bill. It was pretty high in the quadruple digits, but Haruhi just slapped down a ten-thousand yen bill, thanked the waitress very formally, and asked her to keep the change as tip. All the while, the waitress looked at me with a strange expression on her face. It was quite complicated, but it resembled disappointment. I felt a little guilty for making Haruhi pay for me, but I thought of all she had done to me and decided they kind of balanced each other out at that point.

As we were leaving, Haruhi turned around, holding my hand, and bowed towards the staff of the restaurant, thanking them in the process. Her politeness stunned me, but I managed to bow and thank the staff, although a bit out of time with her.

We got out of the restaurant quite sated. At least, I was. However, other thoughts were on my mind.

"Uh... so now that we've done absolutely nothing except fill our stomachs and it's already one, where should we search first?"

Haruhi gave me a look of pity that asked "are you an idiot?"

"Search? Who said anything about searching?"

If we're not searching today, what the hell are we doing? It's your plan after all and I clearly remember that you said that we were going on a city-wide search when we split up. You know what, I actually don't mind. It's not like I actually search for anything, anyways. But, yes, what are we doing? Because if it isn't anything important, I'd like to go home already.

"Hm…"

Haruhi seemed to be in deep thought. If she were Koizumi right now, I'd just assume he was using his crappy acting to cover something up again.

"Forget it, Kyon."

What should I forget? Stop putting nonsensical statements out there that have absolutely nothing to do with anything happening!

"I wanna go shopping!"

She sounds just like a little girl responding to her father's question of where to go first. Hold on a second, are you saying you made me get up out of bed, bike out here, and pay for everyone's drinks, just so you could drag me around and make me watch you shop? That's it. I'm leaving. You can go shop by yourself. It's not like I want to buy anything and even if I did, I certainly wouldn't have enough money to pay for it.

"There's a new mall that opened that's not too far from here! Come on, Kyon, let's go!"

She clamped my arm in a vise once more and started running in the general direction of where she had pointed. I picked up my feet for once and tried to move my legs in rhythm with hers, but she was seriously just too fast. I decided to make a big show for any bystanders watching this that I was definitely not enjoying this. And since when did a new mall open? Sigh… I don't know anything about this city, even though I've lived here all my life.

* * *

The mall was surprisingly close; it was probably about a two-minute Haruhi-sprint. It was also surprisingly large, leading me to believe that I really was very ignorant about things happening in this city. From this tall, multi-storied structure emanated the smell of new construction and corrupt commercial ways.

Sigh… Since I am currently unable to get away from your stupidity, where do you intend to go first? Please don't go somewhere stupid, please don't go somewhere stupid, please don't go somewhere stupid…

"Let's go find a map to figure out where all the interesting stores are!"

Interesting, huh? Stuff that you tend to find interesting always turns out to be weird, stupid, or hazardous to my health in some way. For every store I visit with you, I expect to be losing about half a year of my life. Even if we visit just ten stores, I'll lose five years off my young life! Please be quick, Haruhi.

"Take a look, Kyon! Where do you wanna go first?"

If you ask me… Hmmm… What's the safest sounding store around here? How about a bookstore or safety equipment store or maybe even an insurance agent's office?

"Boring. Kyon, why are you so stupid?"

Okay, I admit it. Those stores sound boring even to someone like me.

"How about we go here? And here, too! We absolutely have to go here! Ooh, this place sounds totally awesome!"

She sounds just like a kid deciding what to eat at an ice cream store with five million different flavors and sizes. I glance over at the names of the stores she's pointing at, to predict what kind of time we were going to be having here. I start coughing uncontrollably after reading the names of just a few of them

"Hm? Kyon, is something wrong with your throat?"

No, it's nothing really. No need to worry, though I doubt you are. It's just that the stores you've chosen to go to all sound don't really sound like you, you know what I mean?

Haruhi's going to really girly-seeming stores. If my sister was going to a biker store, I'd get freaked out, too. You should understand how I'm feeling about Haruhi's current choice of stores.

"Don't sound… like me?"

Haruhi asked, looking puzzled for some reason. What the heck? What happened to your usual decisiveness?

Uh… Ah, never mind. Go wherever you want. I'll follow you.

Not like I had a choice. Haruhi reached for my hand and held onto me a little softer than usual, but still preventing any chance of my escape. She started walking at a relatively slow speed. Can we please just hurry this up? I want to get out of here!

"Alright then, Kyon. Let's go."

Haruhi said with a devilish smile, before speeding up her pace by several times.

I push my legs as fast as they can go in a very brisk walk. I need to be more careful of what I wish for…

We stopped at the first shop. Not to be insulting or anything, but this looks like a store my sister would go to… Haruhi, just what kind of diabolical machinations are you devising within your twisted mind by going to these stores? She's not coming here because she actually likes this kind of stuff, right?

I opened the simple glass door for Haruhi with my free hand and allowed myself to be dragged inside by my other hand. Not a word of thanks? To be expected from a callous monster like yourself. Can't you learn to be more human to people you know?

The storekeeper greeted us with a friendly smile on her face. Haruhi did likewise, bowing. Like I just said, why is that you're only polite to people you don't know?!

I looked up and to the right, as if there was something extremely interesting there, avoiding the looks of anyone watching. However, all there was to see was what looked to be a small crack in the ceiling. I prayed to every single god I knew--please, don't let anyone I know see me here today!

Haruhi let go of my hand for a second. Yes! Now's my chance to escape! I edged towards the door slowly, while pretending to look at the myriad of cute things on the rows of shelves in this store. Almost immediately, I felt a palm of iron strike the back of my head. I fell forward in a daze, knocking my head against the store shelf and what appeared to be a teddy bear.

"Where do you think you're going, Kyon?"

This voice came through gritted teeth and I could feel it chill my bones. The iciness of the tone can only be measured in degrees Kelvin. In fact, this is probably the closest mankind has ever gotten to reaching Absolute Zero.

"Uh… to check out this stores selection of interesting goods?"

Haruhi grabbed my wrist and pulled me away from the door. So close…

"Don't lie to me, Kyon!"

Hey, hey, keep it down, idiot! We're attracting too much attention! People inside the store were definitely stopping and staring in our general direction and it was making me feel quite uncomfortable.

Haruhi stared up at me and crossed her arms.

"Fine."

That's all she said before she left the store with me in tow.

We headed off to another store.

Eh… It's almost the exact same as the one before! And it's just as weird for you to be coming here!

Haruhi lugged me around like a set of weights attached to a prisoner's legs. Except in my case, the weights really want to be removed.

In the end, everywhere Haruhi went, I went. I involuntarily followed her around for roughly two hours, bored as hell and just wanting to go home. We wasted a great deal of time on random activities that caused me bodily harm, to be embarrassed about doing something so shameful, or simply to feel like an idiot. Window shopping with an idiot like Haruhi was quite embarrassing and shameful. Couldn't you have at least let go my hand? I mean, if some random idiot walking around saw us… The consequences would be great.

"That was pretty fun, right, Kyon?"

Well, if you consider being dragged around by a complete moron who forces you to do silly things 'fun,' then I sure had a lot of it. Oh for God's sake, its 4:30 already… You didn't even buy anything! What the hell? We wasted all that time so you could just look around at crap?

"Well, that's what a normal girl does, right?"

Haruhi said, seeming very unsure of herself.

In case you didn't realize by yourself, allow me to tell you something: you are definitely not a normal girl. That may be good or bad, but all I know is that you aren't normal. On the other hand, I have no idea what a 'normal girl' does. I hope this isn't some plan to become more normal. Actually, that doesn't sound too bad… No, life would be boring without an extremely insane Haruhi…

There's no way I just had such a horrible thought. No way at all. If I had voiced such a blasphemous thought in the days of the Holy Roman Empire, I would've been stoned or thrown into a well, or both.

Haruhi instantly brightened up out of the blue, like the sun poking its head out of the clouds on an overcast day.

"Let's go see a movie!"

What!? What the hell are you talking about? I thought we were going on a city-wide search, but all I've been doing today is going on what seems a lot like a date with Haruhi. No, no, forget that. It's nothing like a date; she's just forcing me to stay with her, right? I think that's why I'm still here.

"Well, uh… got a specific movie in mind you want to see?"

I actually agreed? Well, I guess I don't really mind wasting a couple of hours inside a dark theatre. It's probably better than wandering around aimlessly looking for interesting things (which, as a side note, nobody in the SOS-Dan has ever found) or getting pushed around by Haruhi. Wait a moment, I've been getting pushed around by Haruhi this whole day! Actually, taking a look back at the times I've spent with her…. The only time she didn't push me around was when I pushed my face into hers… This is disturbing and depressing…

"I don't know yet! We'll see when we get there, right?"

Haruhi replied in her bossy tone of voice.

In retrospect and in comparison to what normally happens, today's been pretty damn fun. I might as well humor Haruhi and go see a movie with her. And I'm going to be making my own decisions from now on! I swear it!

"I guess you're right. Come on, let's hurry. We'd best get this over with before the others start getting worried."

I said with an unusually determined voice which, if it had been speaking in English, I would attribute to a leader like Winston Churchill. I extended my hand to Haruhi. Damn, bad move!

Haruhi jumped and looked at my hand. She grasped it firmly and yelled out loud.

"To the cinema!"

Right away. But do you really need to tell everyone around us that? Seriously, nobody cares! Not even I care (because I already know where we're headed)! Nevertheless, I pick up my leaden legs and break off into a decent paced run, before shifting into an all-out sprint to the nearest cinema around these parts. Well, it looks like Haruhi's having fun, although this isn't nearly as fast as her pace. What kind of scene am I creating, though? People watching an extremely bored guy (who seems to be having some kind of fun) drag an extremely energetic and exited girl through crowds of people at a sprint… Am I being too hypocritical? Isn't this exactly what I told Haruhi not to do? Am I turning into something I hate, or is it that I don't…

I stopped thinking about such pointless stuff and concentrated on breathing enough so I would not die of lack of oxygen. I could feel the burning soreness in my legs as I ran at top speed down the sidewalk with Haruhi gripping my hand tightly and easily keeping up with me. I ignored the weird looks and just kept on running. Wait, why am I doing this? I slow my pace down a little and ponder this serious question for a second. It's not like I'm running from anything this time and it's not like the world's going to get destroyed… so why am I racing off to the theatre, holding Haruhi's hand?

"Kyon, why are you slowing down? Are you tireeed?"

Shut up… Of course I'm tired, but I'm only slowing down to think of something of major importance! But of course I couldn't say that, so I just picked up the pace and turned right at the next intersection.

* * *

We got inside the cinema without incident, since I suddenly stopped, let go of her hand, and began walking normally. Haruhi may have seemed a little disappointed, probably due to the lack of excitement for her, but I wasn't going to let any more people misunderstand our relationship.

"Well, I'm going to go buy those tickets…"

You go right on ahead and do that. I'll just wait patiently for your return.

Haruhi didn't move. She just put on a scowl, acted angry, and looked at me with a face that said "Kyon is the biggest idiot on the face of this earth."

"…"

Well, I wasn't going to just let the most retarded person on the face of this planet call me the biggest idiot in the world… But why don't you go buy those tickets already… Oh shoot; epic fail.

"Ahaha! Actually, since you paid for my lunch so generously, I might as well buy you tickets for this. Hold up for a bit."

Haruhi showed one of her famous dazzling smiles… It sure was infectious. I couldn't help but give a little grin before moving on to the ticket stands. Looks like I can get something right once in a while. Now, which movie was it again…?

I got to the seating area for the movie after Haruhi, since I had gone to fetch a bag of popcorn. I scanned the seats for her. I noticed there were only a few people here. Thank God. Speaking of God, does this mean that Haruhi wished for there to be less people? Or wished for us to eat and go shopping together? Ah, forget it. There's no point thinking of that crap.

I found Haruhi in a predictable spot. First row, one of the two seats in the middle. Sigh… Don't you know it kind of hurts to look up at the screen like that? Isn't it kind of dizzying for you? Geez, that girl does not know pain.

Now before the movie starts, let us talk about this movie for a bit. Judging from the title, the genre, and the rating, this is a romantic science-fiction (what the hell is that?) B-movie. I do not want to say the name of the movie for obvious reasons. Namely, if anyone finds out what this movie's called and realizes I've watched it, I'll be laughed at for the rest of my life.

"Shh! The movies starting!"

Haruhi said, focusing on the big screen. Idiot… You're the only one talking… And these are trailers…

I sighed and looked up. The trailers soon got so pointless that I was bored out of my mind and being very tired, I drifted off into sleep next to the oblivious Haruhi. When my eyes reopened, we were already about 20 minutes into the movie. It was a different awakening than what I had expected. I was pretty sure that Haruhi would notice me snoozing and smack my face a couple of times, yell at me, and shake me violently, but apparently, she was too occupied with the movie. I decided to watch the movie just for the heck of it. It can't be too bad if Haruhi is completely entranced by it.

I was very wrong. The movie so far was complete crap. In my opinion, this is the cheesiest movie I have ever seen. Also, the special effects, lighting, and just about everything else, including acting, are barely one level above that crap movie we made—The Adventures of Asahina Mikuru : Episode 00. The main protagonists portray Koizumi and Asahina-san very well. Both are terrible actors who have looks on their side. Also, the female protagonist's beauty far surpasses the male's, just like how Koizumi is probably a rat while Asahina-san is an angel descending from the heavens…

I try to slap myself out of these thoughts, but my hand is stuck. At the same time, I realize that there is no more popcorn.

Haruhi, you greedy pig! I bought that and didn't even get any! It's twenty minutes into the movie and its already gone!

I tried to free my hand from what felt like a soft, warm prison. Wait a moment… I took a break from the silly movie and looked down at my left hand. It was covered with a girl's hand.

Is the movie really so engrossing that you need to hold my hand at a time like this? I mean, come on, this isn't scary at all. It's more of a junky romantic comedy with trace elements of sci-fi tacked onto it!

Having checked the theater earlier, I knew there wasn't anyone that was going to be looking at our hands, so I decided to just let her be. The feeling of her tender skin rubbing against my hand is one I suppose I wouldn't mind enjoying a little more often… I returned my eyes back to the screen. If Haruhi's watching, I might as well watch it with her…

Apparently, the guy and girl were about to kiss. I suddenly felt a weird movement to my side and lost the feeling of warmth on top of my hand. I dropped my eyes to look at Haruhi again, since I had no reason to watch the movie anymore. She was running her hands gently over the smooth curves of her body. I mean… Well, it looked like that, but I'm not exactly sure what she was doing. Is this some kind of allergic reaction to the movie like the ones people get when they eat peanut butter? If it is, I'm terribly sorry because I don't have a shot of epinephrine on me to inject into your bloodstream.

Haruhi suddenly stopped and looked carefully at me. The movie was still playing. As the two main characters on screen got closer and closer, Haruhi suddenly lunged forward, placing her face right next to me. I could feel my heart skip a beat, then pound louder than ever. If I was using a stethoscope on myself right now, I'm pretty sure I would've been absolutely deafened by noises comparable to an entire tribal African drumline.

What the heck are you doing!? If we weren't in a theater, I may have screamed like a four-year-old who just saw a spider. But I did not scream, because I actually have the brains to not interrupt a movie like that.

H-Haruhi… Just what are you doing?

Are you trying to mimic what's happening on the screen? I checked the progress of the movie out of the corner of my eye, keeping my face towards Haruhi. The main characters were about two inches away from each other. Looking back at Haruhi, I could guess that we were about one inch apart.

Haruhi took a small, shallow breath and exhaled gently. I could feel her warm breath waft over my skin while I took in the delightful fragrance of her remarkable body. The pleasing smell of her hair excited me more than anything. I began to hallucinate—imagining her luscious hair tied into a ravishing ponytail and possibly a hint of a blush on her cheeks, along with an uncharacteristic nervousness in her eyes. Her clothes began to remove themselves before my very eyes. First, her thin jacket. Next, her matching T-shirt… I lost control of myself then and there. Haruhi's perfect figure was in front of my eyes in full splendor and barely clothed at all. How could I resist? Her face was reddened and she seemed to be sweating ever so slightly. I lifted one of my hands slowly and began reaching towards her, while moving my face even closer to her than it already was. Haruhi's lips parted ever so slightly in such a sexy way as if to protest against my lustful desires. I couldn't take no for an answer in a situation like this!

"Kyon! Koizumi's calling!"

Haruhi whispered. It may have been a whisper, but it completely shocked me out of state of delirium.

Way to go, idiot… Don't let imagination take control like that.

"What for?"

I whispered back. Our whispers sound like normal conversation, probably due to our close proximity. I shut out all other sounds and focused primarily on Haruhi's voice, without thinking about her body, scent, or anything I had just been thinking of. Even so, I could feel warmth spreading throughout my cheeks.

"Not sure. The only thing my phone says is that he's calling."

Koizumi, you bastard. You ruined my fantastic journey through paradise with your perfectly-timed call! When I see you later, I'm going to crush you until you fit inside my microwave. I don't even want to hear your voice or have you talk to Haruhi right now!

"You know what? Let's just ignore him for now and just watch the damn movie. It's what you came here for right?"

Haruhi smiled brilliantly, lighting up the dark room more than the movie itself. She turned off her phone and put it into her pocket. That gave me a feeling of satisfaction. In fact, so much satisfaction that I decided to say the following line.

"Well, we just missed a very interesting part!"

I think… What happened again?

"What? What did I miss?"

Realizing that I was talking about that kissing scene, I knew I couldn't tell her the truth to save me from being viewed as an idiot or a pervert or something worse.

"Uh…. It wasn't anything. Don't worry about it."

Haruhi wasn't convinced.

"Come on, what was it?"

"Er… the alien killed a little kid and it was really graphic."

That was probably a good enough lie to fool her, even though it didn't exactly tie in to the story of the movie at the current point.

"Aw man!"

Haruhi shouted, sounding very pissed that she had missed a nonexistent portion of the movie. If she had actually seen what had happened, she'd probably end up thinking it was stupid because, to her, love is like a mental illness, right? Just be quiet, Haruhi. Have some decency and let these people enjoy this pathetic movie.

As I look around, I notice that the room is far from packed and most of them are couples just like us, kissing instead of watching the movie. Hold it! Did I just say "just like us?!" Tch… That doesn't even make sense. We're not a couple in that sense and I've got no intentions to go that way!

* * *

I literally had to pull Haruhi out of her seat at the end of the movie, even though everyone was already gone and only the credits were scrolling by. As we got outside, I checked my watch. I wonder how much time we just wasted.

6:30

"Shoot. Haruhi, weren't we supposed to meet back with the others at six in the afternoon?"

Haruhi lost her smile of satisfaction and contentment for a second and thought for a moment. I'm sorry I had to break this to you, but someone's got to do some thinking around here.

"Damn… This sucks..."

Don't get too upset over it. I'll just call Koizumi and tell him we're going to be a bit late, alright?

Haruhi stared at me with eyes of uncertainty. Hey, stop that it, it's freaking me out.

"Actually, Kyon… Give me your phone for a second."

I was already dialing Koizumi's number, but I passed the phone to her. Do you want to make it official or something because you're the chief?

"You guys can just go home."

Straight and to the point. Wait, that means I can go too, right? As soon as I get my phone back, I'm out of here!

"Kyon and I are going to be busy for a bit… Why? Uh…."

Haruhi seemed to blush and then looked at me. What are you looking at me for? I don't even know what the heck you're talking about!

"Uh… W-we found something interesting and we're going to check it out! It's getting away, sorry Koizumi-kun, bye!"

She swiftly ended the call and blushed furiously. Seriously, what are you blushing for? I mean, you just talked to Koizumi for a few seconds… oh no… it can't be that Haruhi and Koizumi are… No, no, never mind that. That's impossible. There's no way that could happen... Right? Gah, just shut up, stupid.

"Well, I guess we should get going, Kyon."

Uh… Did we really find something interesting?

"Don't be stupid, Kyon."

Sigh… Looks like I have to be with her a little longer…

"It's kind of late, Haruhi. Maybe… Maybe we should eat dinner!"

I could feel the color rising in my cheeks. The moment I took to pause to think in the middle of saying this statement ended up being the time my stomach decided to growl like a lion. It sure was a hungry lion.

Haruhi laughed herself silly. Did you just transform into Tsuruya-san? As I questioned her sanity, she pulled herself together and agreed.

"Sounds fine. I'm kinda hungry myself! You know, I know this cool place! Let's go!"

She took me by the hand and I ended up running with her down the road again. Why is it that we have no other mode of transportation besides dashing from place to place? Sigh… This place had better not be as 'cool' as the one we went to for lunch.

We got to a table faster than one would normally expect at a time like this, but I still had to suffer through the looks of other people. Is this what people with girlfriends go through? I look at Haruhi. Nah, those guys don't mind being seen together. As for me and Haruhi… Sigh…

"Kyon… I'll pay for your share."

Well, that's awfully generous of you, but who the hell is going to pay your share?

"Ah? Hm… I guess it would be you…"

Can't you ever think things through before you do them? Although I admire your bravado and impulsiveness, it makes you seem like a fool quite often. I decided to ask the obvious question.

"Err… Why don't we just pay for our own shares?"

"I don't know…"

You don't know? What the hell? You know, that's what normal people do!

"This just sounds more fun and original, right?"

Haruhi looked at me with eyes glimmering with hope. Sigh…

"Fine, do whatever you want. If you want me to pay, I'll pay."

I'm not going to have any more money by the end of this day, huh? Wait a moment! Isn't this just some way to get me to pay more? I mean, Haruhi can eat ten times more than I can! Gah, I'm such an idiot!

It turned out Haruhi ordered less than half the amount of what I ordered. I felt kind of bad that I was, once again, making a girl pay for me. Ah well, it's nothing to her, right? I should just take advantage of Haruhi as much as possible right now to get back at her! Sigh… I sound kind of like an opportunist…

* * *

The food arrived after a short wait. Haruhi chose a pretty good place. The food looked quite appetizing, causing my stomach to convulse violently, as if it was begging me to hurry and shovel food into my mouth already. I began to satisfy my cravings,

Haruhi gave me the impression that she was uninterested in eating. She seemed unable to concentrate and was just picking at the food that she had ordered, even though there wasn't much at all.

If she was someone like Asahina-san, I would have taken this gratuitous gesture as a show of their kindness and consideration for my budget. However, this is Haruhi we're talking about, so I can't help but suspect her for plotting some kind of evildoing. Well, today's been fun so I think I'll just give her the benefit of the doubt. That means… My God ((no pun intended) You wanna put that in there? –Joey), Haruhi is actually being considerate!

Somehow, we both finished our food at the same time. Despite Haruhi ordering so little, I spent the remainder of my money, including the random change in my pocket. Haruhi just pulled out a couple of big notes to cover my expenses. Man… I am jealous of you, Haruhi.

We left the store at around eight. It's dark already, huh? I guess I didn't notice while shoving food into my face.

"Haruhi, it's getting late."

"Yeah, so what?"

So what? Geez, I have a life you know. I can't just waste the whole day with you (okay, I already did).

"So… I really ought to be going home now. I didn't tell my parents or sister anything about today, after all."

She won't go as far as to make my parents get involved with this, would she?

"Oh… Well I guess that makes sense."

She sounded rather dismayed saying that. Her face was a portrait of dejection that made about as much sense as a picture painted by Pablo Picasso. But once again, she sprang back up to life like a professional boxer who refused to be beaten.

"Kyon, your house is on the way to mine, so… I'll go with you!"

Aw, damn! She's coming with me? I try to weasel my way out of this one.

Oh no, it's okay. You really don't have t-

"Oh but I insist, Kyon!"

And with that, Haruhi caught my wrist in the death trap that was her hand and began pulling me down the road to my house. There are only a few people in the streets, but the people that are walking seem to point and laugh. My face burns with shame.

If you just want to have a nice walk back home, you could just hold my hand or link arms and walk normally…

"Shut up."

I can't believe I just told her to hold my hand. That's like inviting an infamous murderer into your house for a dinner party. Haruhi looked pissed, but she did slow down and eventually loosened her tight grip on my wrist, but just a little. Even so, I couldn't resist cracking another smile. Man, I haven't smiled this much since I met this idiotic girl. Heh, I guess she has her ups and downs. But mostly downs, don't forget that.

* * *

Standing outside the door to my house with Haruhi… Like most guys, I've imagined a scene like this before. Alone with a girl at night… Sigh. Why don't I feel excited at all?

"You know, Haruhi. I actually had some fun today."

"Huh? Oh yeah… me too!"

Haruhi beamed, basking under the warm glow of the single light above our heads. It was all your idea, after all. If it wasn't fun it would be kind of pointless, right?

"Well, it was definitely interesting. Oh, by the way, how come we didn't search for anything at all today, even though you're my partner?"

Haruhi looked confused.

"What? You haven't figured it out yet? Isn't it obvious?!"

She sounds somewhat mad. I'm sorry I'm so incapable of thinking, but I don't get it at all.

Haruhi put on a face resembling the look of a naughty kid who had just been caught and given a healthy spanking.

"Just so you know, Kyon, I rigged the search groups…"

What are you talking about? This is even more confusing than the last statement… Wait, why would you do something like that?

"Damn it... Forget it, Kyon! You are so stupid!"

She turned on her heel, giving me a last spiteful look of frustration and stormed off the way we came from. Hm? Didn't she say my house was on the way to her house? Ah well, I don't have time to worry about such trivial matters. I unlocked the door and pushed it open slowly. It knocked into my sister's head.

"Just what are you doing behind this door?"

I asked my sister suspiciously.

"Nothing, nothing! Ow, Kyon, you hurt my head…"

Argh… forget this. I said sorry, told her to go to sleep, and went up to my room. I fell onto my bed. Man, I'm exhausted for no apparent reason…

A miniature atomic bomb detonated within my head, causing me massive trauma and frustration and wiping away my blissful forgetfulness. I have school tomorrow… And I have to finish all the assignments that I didn't finish over the summer! Damn it, I shouldn't have gotten so caught up in Haruhi's antics!

I went down and made myself some coffee, with only thoughts of the dreadful amounts of work I had to do on my mind.

Sigh… It's going to be a long night…

* * *

**A/N: **Well, there you have it. What a glorious day! I feel like I just watched an extra anime episode dealing with this! I do apologize again for the slow update, but I was writing at any time I could find. I wrote notes in class (no not on history, on the story), I type at my SAT classes during break, and I stole my sister's laptop and typed at 2400-0200 hours, completely ignoring my parents rules (sorry, family members. Well I break rules all the time, forget it). Trivia: I now have notes planned all the way up to an eighth chapter. And my definition of notes… is usually quite different from others'.

Just so everyone knows, writing this fanfic feels very weird/real. Um… I'm not quite sure how to say it, but when I write, I don't feel like "oh okay time to put on my kyon mask." I just go "okay time to write it out" and its basically writing everything out from my own pov. Does this mean that every single criticism I receive is basically a way I am different from Kyon? Interesting stuff, like Plato's Allegory of the Cave. Just wanted to throw a thought out there.

I was going to write more omake in the same traditional format (my friend throws out a single line and I expand on it), but I realized I might actually use what I just wrote. Although before deciding that, I wrote this into my A/N after finishing the omake: "DAMN I FEEL LIKE A PERVERTED OLD MAN PLEASE DON'T PEDOBAIT ME AHHH!"

Should give you a glimpse into what I wrote. Last minute shout; sorry to keep you up so long, J Dubbya! Peace up, A-Town down!

Oh yeah, do review. I tried to incorporate some changes, but I really don't know how effective things were. Writing long chapters really takes it out of a guy.

Okay. Silly mode off. Chpt 5 due this weekend. Look forward to it (but don't expect too much)! Silly mode off! ... Silly mode off...SILLY MODE FREAKIN OFF MODE SILLY OFF FREAKIN!!1ONE1 ARGH DAMNIT JUST TURN OFF YOU STUPID PIECE OF CRAP! FINALLY. /dance.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: ** The A/N in the beginning have been omitted for a disclaimer due to reasons such as clinical depression. Not really, but I'm sighing everywhere I go. Man oh man. It must be that running. I'm like a waiter placing before you plain soba noodles instead of the pizza you ordered. Terribly sorry. im late.

**Disclaimer: ** Eye due naught hone 'Z' "Suzumiya Haruhi" bran ties (I don't own the SH franchise). If I did Kyon would grow a pair. Of something.

* * *

**Chapter 5**

"Sigh…"

I couldn't help but feel excessively sorry for myself as I walked the lonely road to school with a burning hunger to stop. I had not even reached the huge hill that North High was on top of, like the butter on a stack of American pancakes or a cherry on an ice cream sundae, and I was already feeling like okonomiyaki on a frying pan. My left leg was a stack of 20 onigiri with several pairs of chopsticks through it and my right would have to be an overturned bowl of blackened yakisoba that a pre-schooler had doused in wood glue in a stupid, but creative attempt to make an appetizing looking meal. Both my legs were as impossibly hard to control as their semi-edible counterparts were. Nevertheless, I seem to have adopted a never-give-up-because-I'm-Suzumiya-Haruhi attitude and I continued to ooze along the road with the speed of caramel dripping down the side of a delicious frozen treat.

I somehow reached the hill in a time comparable to how long it would take for a loop-shaped cereal to travel 5 miles downhill. I started climbing up the hill with an energy level comparable to the amount of calories that one would acquire from eating the same loop-shaped cereal's box.

Sigh… This is so stupid…

I heard footsteps coming up behind me at the pace one would imagine a chili pepper to have if it could run. What kind of idiot runs up this hill?

A hand smacked straight into my back, causing me massive pain similar to what happens when you drink an iced drink really fast and forcing me into a decision. Do I: A) perform a very flashy roundhouse kick B) stop myself from falling or C) just do nothing at all.

Being in a state of absolute exhaustion, I picked the last choice and let myself fall to the ground, enjoying a brief respite from climbing this Hell-on-Earth. My eyes were closed and I was drifting off to sleep when an extremely annoying voice made itself heard.

"Yo, Kyon! Dang, did I really hit you that hard? Man, I must be getting lots stronger! I bet this will really impress the girls!"

Opening my eyes, I saw the smiling face (which looked curiously like a plate with two eggs and a strip of bacon across it) of the last person I wanted to see on the way up this hill—Taniguchi. This guy is just so amazingly annoying and stupid that I would even rather him transform into Haruhi. I take that back, Taniguchi is the second to last person I wanted to see this morning. Sigh… At least now I know which idiot runs up this hill.

I guess I owe everyone an explanation to all the pointless food similes, extremely depressed mood, tired state of mind and body, and the fact that I'm lying on the ground with a smiling moron standing next to me. Sigh… What a bother.

I did not wake up this morning. Actually, it would probably be less confusing to say that I did not sleep last night. I had so many assignments to complete that I was working until I left the house, writing answers such as "5" and "this question is morally and ethically incorrect" to questions such as "Find the cube root of the circumference of a circle with a radius 24 units in length" and "Name the emperor of Japan during World War II".

I locked the door on my way out, shivering. This was one cold September day. I headed for where I usually leave my bike, but stopped once I realized my bike wasn't there. I tried to remember where I left it and stupidity crashed down onto me like a tsunami that could sweep over all of Hokkaido. I parked it near the meeting spot yesterday.

Sigh… Looks like I'll just have to get it afterschool today.

That's when I began my depressing walk towards school. Plus, I had not had any food or drink (except some coffee) for the past ten hours or so. I was hungry even though I had eaten quite a bit yesterday and due to my lack of energy, I ended up on the ground like so.

"What do you want, Taniguchi?"

I decided to humor him and his retarded pursuits as I slowly turned my body over.

"Nothing, nothing! I just heard some interesting stuff about you two… Ah, never mind! I'll talk to you about it at lunch!"

He ran off towards a group of three girls, probably to hit on them or something. What was that "tip" he told me before? Something like "if you hit on three girls you will have as much success as me" or was it the other way around? Never mind, nobody cares about Taniguchi.

Wait up, who's "you two"? It's obvious one of the two is me… but who's the other? And what interesting stuff? It couldn't be that he knows… No way, that guy's an idiot. He'd never figure anything out. Still, I don't want to see him at lunch.

With an overdramatic Koizumi-style sigh, I do a quick sit-up and keep hiking up the treacherous path to school.

* * *

I slowly slid open the classroom door, hoping that at least one of two people had mysteriously disappeared. Sadly, both Taniguchi and Haruhi were sitting in their desks. I moved for my desk, noticing Haruhi's eyes looking up at me with a frown on her face. She seems depressed or something for some reason. What was that thing I learned in health class about girls…? Oh well, whatever.

"Eh… I don't really want to waste my energy talking to her…"

I said that to myself for no particular reason and it seems that, for once, someone up above has answered my prayers.

Upon seeing my tired face reach my seat, Haruhi opened her mouth as if about to say something, but closed it and looked even gloomier than before. She turned her head and with a swish of her silky brown hair, faced the window as if to enjoy some breathtaking scenery. Looking over her head, all I could see were trees, buildings, and ponytails… Stop daydreaming, idiot!

Forget this, I'm going to sleep. I set my bags down next to my chair and laid my head and arms on the desk. At that precise moment, Okabe-sensei walked in with a casual greeting, starting homeroom and disturbing my .6 nanoseconds of sleep.

Homeroom passed without incident and soon class began. I decided to go immediately back to sleep. I had barely been sleeping for what felt like 20 minutes when the teacher rudely awakened me told me to pay more attention. I looked behind me to check on Haruhi. She was still asleep. Damn it! Why is it that I can't I ever get away with anything? I attempted to stay awake for the rest of class, with about as much success as Taniguchi has with girls. I ended up drifting in and out of sleep while looking straight ahead. If anyone cared to look at my face, I guess I would've looked like a broken robot that can't help but repeat stupid processes.

* * *

Lunch arrived after what felt like an elevator ride to the 900,000th story of a building. I pulled out some random bento I had bought on my way to school for a few hundred yen and I ate slowly and deliberately as to provoke a sleepy mood, but it was hard, due to the chilly room and someone's stupid idea to turn on the AC. Taniguchi and Kunikida suddenly came over to my table to eat as well; being careful to walk around Haruhi's sleeping form. This is going to ruin my lunch, isn't it…? Taniguchi decided to open his idiotic mouth.

"I heard you and Suzumiya were walking together yesterday. Are you trying to hide something from your best friend?"

Oh crap. How does this idiot know? More importantly, if this idiot knows, which other idiots also know? Well, Haruhi and I were together the whole day yesterday, so it makes some sense that he might've seen us. But that also means God failed to answer my prayers… And who the heck are you calling your best friend?

I decided to take a peek at Haruhi for a second. She was somehow managing to sleep in this cold room with only her sailor fuku and a jacket. She twitched. Must be having nightmares…

Without letting my surprise and disgust register, I got up and decided to leave the classroom.

"Kyon! If you walk away, I'll take it as an admittance of guilt!"

Whatever. Seriously, come on. Is it a crime to hang out with Haruhi or something? Never mind, I really don't care anymore… But why do you always have to get me into these weird situations, Haruhi?

I put up a hand as a silent goodbye and exited the room. I let my legs wander and I drifted, out of habit, towards the old Literature Club room. Upon popping open the door, I found who I expected--the strong, silent girl who managed to save my ass so many times, Nagato Yuki. She remained focused on her book.

"Can I sleep here?"

I asked casually. I've got a half an hour left of lunch break so I should be able to get a quick nap.

She nodded at her book, which was another novel in a foreign language that I couldn't understand. But I couldn't let such random thoughts bother me as I sat down, turned on a nearby fan, and fell asleep. One last thing… Why didn't I bring my bento!?

* * *

"-ey…Kyon!"

Go away…

"Fine, but you're gonna be late, idiot!"

I felt something hit me in the back of the neck. I groan and slowly lift my head, making a big deal out of stretching. I hear something like footsteps and the click of the door, but I might still be dreaming. Damn it, whoever that was, you just completely ruined my dream! Uh… what was it… Haruhi and Asahina-san and…

I slapped myself across the face for being a complete idiot. However, I did not fail to notice the watch attached to my left hand. My eyes popped open wide as I realized the time. Crap, I'm thirty minutes late for class! I stood up allowing a red jacket that had been draped across my back fall onto the chair I had been sitting in. Hm? Red jacket? I also noticed that the fan behind me had been turned off. Now why the hell did I turn that on in the first place? Which considerate person switched it off for me and gave me this nice blanket? Nagato? Asahina-san? Haruhi? Well, Haruhi's sleeping, so I really doubt it's her.

Nevertheless, I picked up the women's style jacket and rushed back to class, half-awake. I slammed open the door to an astonished teacher in the middle of a biology lesson.

"Sorry for being late, sensei! I had… blockage of my digestive tract!"

The teacher put on a face that said "I didn't really need to know that" and pointed me to my desk.

The class laughed, except Haruhi, who had her face on her desk. I felt myself blush as I sat down and decided to look at Haruhi's face to stop that. Even when she's asleep she looks pissed… Although I must admit it's kind of cute… Ah, but more importantly, I hope that closed spaces aren't being created!

She gave a kind of shiver. Cold? Well, here's this jacket someone graciously gave to me. Enjoy it. Just make sure you give it back! I draped the jacket over her shoulders quickly, making sure no one saw that happen.

Sighing at this troublesome girl, I turned to face the board and paid no attention at all for the rest of classes. I concentrated on counting sheep in my head, which did nothing but increase my weariness and lower my tolerance for education.

* * *

The bell rang at the end of the day, signifying the end of lessons. I picked up my bags and started to leave when suddenly, Haruhi also stood up as well.

"There's no meeting today, Kyon."

"Yeah I wasn't planning on going today, either."

"Well, in that case… I'm free, and uh…"

She stammered these words out, twisting strands of her brown hair together.

"Well…do you want to go somewhere with me?"

Do I want to go somewhere…? So you can torture me wherever we go? Or do you mean like a date?

"Actually, I'm really busy. I've got to get my bike. I left it at our meeting place yesterday."

I quickly replied. Am I really that busy? Is my bike that important? Apparently so…

"Oh…"

Haruhi's face looked even gloomier than it had in the morning. I turned and left the classroom as quickly as possible for some reason.

* * *

I found my bike where I had left it. Mysteriously, it had not yet been stolen. I am a lucky guy sometimes. I couldn't help but wonder what Haruhi intended to do, but I decided to just go back home and concentrate on getting a good night's sleep.

The next few days of school were uneventful and boring, unlike those busy, pointless, and alright… fun summer days. I dozed away most of my time in class. Wow, I'm feeling more and more like a delinquent. I can feel my chances of college admission going way down.

I did, however, notice Haruhi's state of melancholy, but when I asked during break, Koizumi didn't seem troubled at all. It still makes no sense at all to me.

"Suzumiya-san may seem depressed, but she is merely in some minor self-conflict right. It appears that the only thing she is disappointed in is herself."

Wait, when she's in any kind of conflict doesn't that mean closed spaces? God, I don't get this bastard.

Koizumi laughed and shook his head and went back to his class as the bell conveniently rang.

Oh well…

* * *

Classes slipped by. I'm glad to see Taniguchi and Kunikida aren't bothering me about the last day of summer anymore… Speaking of summer, the SOS-Dan hasn't really been doing much lately. Haruhi's either not there or first to leave after fiddling with the computer and shooting me weird glances. Koizumi said I wasn't the cause of her troubles, right? Sigh… whatever.

After school today I habitually walked to the clubroom. On the door was a sign I had not seen in quite a long time.

* * *

**A/N: **Sigh… Well, there you have it. Chapter five. My, my. I'm depressed. I have a terrible urge to go all wapanese and write random romaji everywhere to express my frustrations. I'm terribly sorry for the wait and terribly sorry for today. My inspiration level went down 4000 fold, but that doesn't mean it still is and it doesn't mean I'm not writing anymore. Although I do plan to retire from this site after one story, I have to finish that one work. Plus, chapter six and seven are proving very very very (x7) interesting to think up. :)

To editorguy :

"no you" "it's a trap". Get over it. And whoever checks this for grammar and spelling obviously is lazy. But not like I can say much about that… Cuz I don't really do it myself. Sorry lolcakes. freakin internet memes must die.

Responding to some reviews:

**Josephus** - Which Kenny Ro(d)gers?? Baseball? Old guy? Either way, thanks.

**BeatleBomb** - Aite sir. Grammar and spelling huh? I wish MS Word was perfect...

**Azzn Sonar** - Seinen... SEINEN OMFG SEINEN! i guess you could consider this that... Although I was thinking more along of the lines of ecchi (he is my master roflol). Sorry, I'm going to stick to this confusing writing style. That's my tribute to Baka-Tsuki translations. Although sometimes they use italic for thoughts and stuff. Plaintext just makes things simple! You can decide whether something is actually said at times.

**XxMisaki EndouxX** - Sorry for spelling / grammarizing (there i go again that word doesnt exist does it) so craptastically. As for criting you (MASSIVE CRIT OWN), i doubt a n00b here like me can do that.

**Everyone who gave me props **- Free money!

**Everyone who flamed **- Free lulz!

**Everyone who criticized **- Free lulzmoney!

**Everyone who dont like this chapter **- Yeah... well... no excuses for bad writing. "Writers blocks dont exist theyre just a silly excuse for the lazies." - not me. Truth is, this was kinda written like this for a reason. You shall see.

**Everyone who thinks Kyon is a retard** - Yep. Wait, since I'm writing from his POV, doesnt that make me a retard?

**Everyone who reads** - Thank you. Looking forward to seeing you all through the interesting part of our journey.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **To anybody who actually looked forward to this. I apologize for being as lame as I am. Here you are. Chapter Six of this incomplete work. I did, at a time, mention that I have notes up to chapter eight. Well, this incomplete manuscript happened to be here on my computer. A quick touchup and bam, I hoped to liberate the people on with my writing once again. Like before, sincere apologies, lovely readers.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

It read "SOS-Dan Free Activity Day" and was messily signed, "Haruhi".

What the heck?

That's strange. Why would today be a free day? On second thought, it doesn't seem too surprising seeing her current mood… Well, a Haruhi-free day is a good day! At least I'll get a good rest today; even if (sorry for saying this) it may be kind of boring. Ah, I should get some tea to prepare for my wonderful day off!

I opened the door, expecting an empty room or a beautiful tea-brewing maid, but my dreams were shot down like always.

The queen of all the idiots in this world, Suzumiya Haruhi, is currently occupying this room.

"Uh… I thought today was free…"

I make a quick comment, stepped inside, and shut the door behind me for no particular reason.

"Huh? Hey, Kyon, what're you doing here?"

Haruhi was sitting cross-legged on the Commander's Desk, staring out the window as if gazing at some beautiful vista. She turned around, looking surprised at the fact that someone else had come into the room. Along with the look of surprise on her face, I noticed a trace of annoyance, as if I had disturbed her while she was in deep thought. I guess it makes some sense; I would be surprised if someone had come into a room I had just hung a "Do Not Disturb" sign in front of.

Uh… It is a free day, right? I just wanted to get some tea and go to sleep. And just what might you be doing here?

She glanced off to her right and continued looking at a bookshelf, as if searching for a particular book, before saying something.

"Hm... I was just thinking about y--stuff..."

She looked flustered as she said the word "stuff." And what're you stuttering about?

"Ah! I don't mind tea, either. Mikuru-chan's not going to be coming today, though... Maybe... Maybe I'll just make both of us some."

And with that strange outburst, she hopped off the desk and went off to our little SOS-Dan kitchen.

Personally, I'd rather have Asahina-san's perfectly brewed tea, but I guess it doesn't really matter. It's not like my tea-making skills are great, anyways. Chances are Haruhi can make some damn good tea. Sigh, tea is tea. Might as well have some.

"Sure, why not?"

A long silence followed. I set down my bag next to a chair and sat down. I decided to appease my eyes by staring at Haruhi's back. She sure is working diligently. It's times like these that make me think she'll make a great wife one day... I shuddered away those thoughts like I did every time they came up and allowed my mind to wander freely. I succumbed to the weakness that every man has (it's not my fault; any guy would do the same!). Staring at her thin, but delicately curved body, I couldn't help but imagine getting behind her and doing some naughty things to her.

"Tea's done."

Saving me from my own thoughts, Haruhi came over carrying two cups of tea on a tray rather clusmsily. Oh no. She's not demonstrating how a clumsy maid should act is she. I braced for the impact of a cup of hot water, but Haruhi's shaking hands merely set my cup in front of me. Haruhi took the seat directly across from me. I must have had a very curious look on my face because she soon spoke up as if I had asked something of her.

"Um, I made chrysanthemum tea... Sorry I didn't ask what you wanted; I just assumed this would be okay. I like chrysanthemum tea a lot, but I rarely make it. I wanted to try it out once, you know? Wait, what am I saying? Anyways... I hope you like it."

First, what in the heck are you babbling about? Second, chrysanthemum tea just happens to be my favorite... When the hell did we get anything I actually liked? Third, since when did you ever ask what I wanted?

"Thanks..."

I muttered before picking up my tea to take a sip.

"You're welcome."

Haruhi's manners startled me, so I stopped for a second and flicked my eyes up. Haruhi was holding her tea up, but wasn't drinking any. She was staring at me. Do you want me to drink first or something? Because if that's it, I'm happy to oblige.

Hm? This isn't bad at all. It has a very interesting flavor to it, even though all tea of the same kind is supposed to taste the same. In fact, I think I could even compare this tea to Asahina-san's! If this is how tea you rarely make tastes, I wonder how tea you often make tastes.

I take another sip, set my cup down, and lean back, savoring the taste of chrysanthemum on my tongue. I opened an eye to look at Haruhi. She still hadn't drunk any of her own wonderful tea and was still eyeing me like a vulture circling a carcass. Don't you normally gulp down your tea? And stop looking at me like that!

"Is it... any good?"

Haruhi asked, with a look that made me feel if I said anything contrary to the truth, I would be crushing all her hopes and dreams. Where the hell did that look come from?

"It's great, it's great! Uh... I never expected you to be able to make such good tea!"

I said this off the top of my head to make sure I wouldn't be losing it anytime soon.

"Whew..."

Haruhi breathed a sigh of relief. Are you that concerned about how your tea turns out?

"Of course! Especially when someone like you is drinking it!"

She stopped and clapped her hand over her mouth.

...When someone like me is drinking her tea it's... important? I nearly choked on the tea I had up to my lips. You really want to kill me, don't you?

"Eh? Kill you? What're you talking about?"

Stop playing dumb, idiot! It's important because you must've been something deadly in my tea! What was it? Arsenic? Cockroaches?

A look of realization spread over Haruhi's face, followed by an expression similar to the last one I had seen on her face on the last day of summer.

"Damn it! Why is it that you never understand?"

Understand what; the fact that you despise my soul?

"After all I do for... Ah, screw this! I'm leaving!"

With that, she jumped on the table, causing both our cups of tea to spill a bit. She grabbed her bag on the Commander's Desk and proceeded to leap off towards the door. However, it seems she miscalculated her jump a bit and the toe of one of her indoor shoes got caught on the top of a chair. I thought gods could never make mistakes.

But I couldn't think about such useless stuff as Haruhi went flying forwards with her skirt flapping upwards. Damn, that's a nice view. Let's see what she's got on...

But I couldn't think about such useless stuff as Haruhi went flying. I needed to act and luckily for me, by some crazy means or another, my reflexes were boosted several thousand times, surpassing the professional gamer level. I leaped out of my chair and got in front of her with speed like Keanu Reeves. She fell straight into my arms. Well, actually, she felt straight into me, and I ended up falling back straight into the ground.

My back, followed by my head, hit the floor hard. Besides that, I think that was a pretty cool save, like an American football player making a 75-yard touchdown.

"You okay, Haruhi?"

I opened my eyes and was completely overwhelmed with sensory information.

My thighs felt like they had been whacked with a baseball bat. Judging by the fact that the tables have been overturned or pushed out of alignment, I suppose I must've collided with them when rocketing out of my chair.

Me and Haruhi's cups of tea remained standing up. That's beyond insane. It's like aliens existing. Oh wait, that doesn't make sense.

My back and head hurt. I should've tried to stop myself from hitting the ground so hard.

But that wasn't really on my mind. No, I was more occupied with the fact that Haruhi was lying right on top of me, with her face on my neck and my arms wrapped around her.

I was going to yell at Haruhi to get the hell off of me, but then I looked at her face. She looked especially serene. Her eyes were closed and her cheek was resting gently on my chest. In contrast to me, she was breathing softly. Her chest expanded slowly into mine; my heart beat faster than even a mouse when her upper torso lightly lay on my chest. Her hands lightly pinched the shoulders of my jacket and her legs were tangled with mine.

I noticed that she wore a small, but satisfied smile. Yes, be satisfied that, instead of you, I am in serious pain.

Sigh... I tilted my head backwards and rested it on the floor. I allowed myself to enjoy her. Enjoy her body heat, I mean. As you can tell, it's a strangely cold day and this is a convenient way to heat up. Sigh... What am I talking about...?

"Hah... Ah? EH!? S-Sorry, Kyon!"

Haruhi pushed her torso up a bit away from my body with a shocked look on her face. Damn. I mean, thank God.

"No worries. I just tried to save you from your fall, is all. But it looks like I didn't really succeed."

Why did I try to do such a thing in the first place?

"Ah... Well, at least let me get off of you, first."

At that, I got my hands off of her. Stupid hands, what the hell were you doing? She pushed herself up some more. All of a sudden she let out a small cry.

"Ow!"

She collapsed back on top of me. Geez, at least give me some time to prepare myself before you fall on me!

"Are you hurt?"

Why else would someone say "ow," stupid? That was the response I was expecting.

"Yeah, I guess... Just a bit. I must've bumped my knee into the ground pretty hard."

I craned my neck so I could see around Haruhi's head. Her knee was swelling and getting redder by the moment. Sigh... Sorry, I guess my save wasn't as spectacular as I thought.

"No, no, it's not your fault! I shouldn't have gotten on the damn table in the first place. Heheh... I do stupid things sometimes, huh, Kyon?"

Of course, you idiot. Just about every single thing you do is stupid.

"It doesn't matter. Let's get you up and off of me, already."

"Yeah... I guess. I must be kind of heavy, huh? Sorry, Kyon."

Actually, I'm pretty sure you don't weigh very much. The only reason I feel any weight at all is because you're lying on top of me in a sailor uniform. Not that the uniform is heavy or anything, I just meant... Never mind.

I placed my hands on her shoulders and helped her push herself up, trying to keep as much weight off of her legs as possible and to make this as innocent-looking as possible in case someone happened to walk in on us.

Someone up above was smiling at me, though, and we both got to our feet. We just stood there, looking in opposite directions. The atmosphere makes me feel like I've been frozen into a block of ice! I decided to say something to lighten the mood.

"Well, that certainly was interesting."

"I'm leaving."

Tch. What the hell? Fine, damn it. No one wants you here, anyways. She put one foot out and turned around to say some passing remark.

"Th--Ow!"

Her knee buckled. I caught onto her shoulder and helped her back up. Dumbass, you forgot about your injury! I really do have to take care of you all the time, huh? Say thanks, fool.

"Thanks."

I wasn't really serious about it, but whatever.

"You're welcome. Now let's get you to the nurse's office. She'll know what to do with your injury."

"Ah? Don't worry about it, Kyon! It's nothing serious."

She looked at me with pouting eyes and a facial expression to match. I tore my eyes away from her face and looked, instead, at her knee. That doesn't look too good to me. Just telling a stubborn girl like Haruhi something like that isn't going to work, so I devised a dastardly plan.

"Well, if it's really nothing serious why don't you go ahead and walk home?"

"Okay, see you tomorrow!"

She stepped forward with a confident smile, but her knee and confidence collapsed. I caught her once again.

"Well, it looks like we may have a little problem on our hands that a trip to the nurse's might just solve."

Haruhi looked at me with irritation. I'm just trying to help you, so would you please stop looking at me as if I was trying to abduct you?

"Alright, then. Let's go!"

She yelled as if she was yelling a war cry as she pointed towards the door. Do you want me to carry you or something? Be that way, then.

I whisked her up off her feet and carried her the way a groom carries a bride. Haruhi looked up at me with a blush and a look of joyful surprise, similar to the look one gets when kissed out of the blue. Wait, joyful surprise...? Never mind, please forget the last two similes.

"Kyon, you don't have to carry me; you can just walk me there."

She said with a teasing, playful tone. Why the hell did you say "Let's go!" and point at a door without moving at all, then? Forget it, let's get out of here.

I started off towards the door, but was stopped by Haruhi, who was tugging on my sleeve. What is it now?

I looked at the silly girl in my arms. Her facial expression had changed completely. I felt my mouth open wide in shock or stupidity.

Her lips parted sensuously as she said my name. My eyes were locked, but at the sound of her voice, I attempted to shift my eyes upward.

"Kyon..."

Staring straight into her wide, gleaming eyes, I couldn't muster up any words.

"I've been meaning to say this... for some time now..."

She exhaled softly and slowly.

My heart fluttered, for reasons unbeknownst even to me! But wait…have I heard this before? Something she's been meaning to say for a long while, right...

"Kyon, I l-"

An extremely unpleasant sound drowned out Haruhi's angelic voice and my disturbed thoughts. Yes, a queer guy was singing.

"I for-for-for-forgot my notebook~"

What happened last time Taniguchi forgot his notebook? Don't even want to remember... Well, he won't be looking for it in here, so I should be fine. I'll just wait for him to pass by. However, for some strange reason, his footsteps stopped in front of the clubroom. I backed off a few steps, making Haruhi give me a look that said both "Taniguchi is an idiot" and "what's wrong?"

"Eh? Free day for the SOS-Dan?"

I froze at the sound of this curious remark.

"So... the room's empty? Haha! This is a perfect chance!"

Chance...? No, forget that for now.

"Haruhi, we need to hide!"

I whispered quickly while Taniguchi was outside announcing his evil plans to the world. Man, if that guy wasn't a complete idiot I wouldn't know what the heck to do.

"Wha? Why? God, I was just telling you... Ah, never mind! We should just kill him for even thinking about coming in here!"

She whispered back. Man, if I didn't know this Taniguchi-level idiot of a girl, I could write 45 A4-size pages worth of ways my life would be better in 8-point font with single line spacing.

"Look, Taniguchi already misunderstands our relationship. Can't you have some decency and allow me to keep my already-low social standing intact?"

Haruhi appeared to be confused, but beyond that, she actually looked like she felt sorry for me. Or maybe she pitied my horrible social status?

"Misunderstands our... relationship? Ah... I guess you're right. Come on!"

I witnessed what I believed to be a miracle. The helpless injured girl in my arms leaped to her feet, grabbed my collar, opened up a nearby door, and hurled me inside the cramped space before following me in. It was only when she swiftly shut the door that I realized where we were.

An old storage locker... How long have we had this thing? Personally, I don't remember at all. I'm not exactly sure what's in here, but that's beside the point. Remember, this is a storage locker.

Um... You do realize that it is very cramped in here and we are closer than Koizumi ever gets to my face, right?

I felt a heat wave pass through me. Is it just me, or is there a heater in this tiny locker? My face flushed, but I managed to twist my neck so that I was looking out through the slits in the locker door.

"Kyon, you aren't one to complain. After all, you're the one who said to hide in the first place. Now be quiet, I think he's done fooling around outside."

Damn. She's right.

Taniguchi quickly slipped in and shut the door silently behind him. I felt as if I was watching a remake of a James Bond movie with Taniguchi as James Bond. At least, until he started skipping towards the outfit rack. He suddenly stopped. Crap, can he see us?

"Oh wow! Someone kindly even left me tea! Ahaha, I wonder if it's brewed by Asahina-san!"

The idiot girl next to me breathed.

"Ah!"

I reached a hand up as fast as possible. Truth be told, I was pretty pissed that Taniguchi was drinking the tea that Haruhi had prepared. It was also extremely strange how he chose to drink my tea, instead of Haruhi's near-full cup of tea. He put his lips to the cup.

Aw, gross! Indirect kiss! Damn it, I'm not gay!

Haruhi stopped struggling, so I let go of her. The beams of light coming through the slits illuminated her half-pissed, half-pouting face. I believe I am becoming a sucker for that face. Anyways, back to more important stuff like the idiot in our club room.

Taniguchi had finished my cup of tea and had moved on to the costume rack. You better not be do what I think you're gonna do.

Taniguchi picked up Asahina-san's bunny girl outfit and quickly stuffed it into his bag, before skipping merrily out the door like nothing had happened.

Bastard...

I struggled to turn and face Haruhi. In the dim light, I could be relatively sure we shared the same pissed-off face. I guess we better kill him, right, Haruhi?

"Yep! That idiot friend of yours stole Mikuru-chan's outfit! Unforgiveable!"

He's not my friend, but I agree, he is an idiot. And it is definitely unforgivable that he stole Asahina-san's bunny girl costume. Thank God he didn't steal the maid costume. Anyways, let's get out of here.

I pushed on the door with my shoulders since my hands were deep inside the closet, far away from the door and behind me. Huh? What the hell's up with this thing? It won't budge.

"Stupid Kyon, you're both dumb and weak! Let me give it a try."

I don't need you to tell me what I already know. Tch. You made me insult myself again, damn it. Her hand brushed over my chest as she reached for the door, surprising me. Man, I hate static electricity. She gave a push and made a face.

"Hm… I guess it must be locked or something from the other side..."

Now who's the idiot, idiot? Told you it was stuck. Wait wait wait… So that means… I'm stuck in here with Haruhi?!

* * *

**A/N: **Ha ha. Cliffhanger. Good news is if I can touchup the next manuscript fast enough, this gets updated within one week. And also, it'll be better than this one. I don't particularly like this one. Possibly why I didn't put it up. But that's no excuse for more than half a year's absence.


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